


I finally met you

by ItsTheCharm



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Child Actor AU, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friendship/Love, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsTheCharm/pseuds/ItsTheCharm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembered this character well, it was a mischievous boy who acted in front of the adults like an angel but in reality he always searched for an opportunity to cause conflict between them. Gon was always interested in him because, he estimated, they were the same age, and the boy acted really well. The role was fitting for his appearance too – angelic face with big blue eyes and fluffy white hair.<br/>Could the guy he saw in the library be the same person as this child actor?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tall, lithe (male?) student walked between the desks, books in one of his hands, cell phone in the other. He wore dark blue cardigan, skinny pants and boots; his steps quiet, graceful. His face was more captivating – despite his worn out look his porcelain skin, sharp features and actual white, fluffy looking hair made the stranger incredibly attractive and Gon couldn’t help but stare. The other was busy with his phone but noticed the persistent gaze soon, and looked up. Gon was met with the bluest eyes he’d ever seen and the black eyeliner the other wore made them even more intense. Still, it wasn’t the eyeliner that made Gon’s heart almost miss a beat – the moment he could take a better look on this attractive stranger’s face he felt a familiarity he couldn’t place.

Gon let out a troubled hum as he walked through the library, trying to find a free desk. He should have expected that this wouldn’t be so easy, exam period was near, the library was full with students finishing their papers, working on projects or holding cramming sessions. Gon didn’t mind sitting with strangers, they never bothered him the slightest – they too were studying after all. Not everyone thought like this though – he got quite a lot disapproving glances as he walked past the desks.

After a while he found a desk by the glass wall (the west wall of the building was replaced with glass making it one huge window), where a single student sat surrounded by piles of thick books. It was a guy with short black hair and sideburns, probably a master of phd student judging by his books. When Gon got closer, he saw, all the books were about medinice. He carefully sat down, but his neighbour didn’t look up, he was so absorbed in his studies, that he probably wouldn’t even notice if everything around him would be in flames.

Gon was never the type who could sit in one place and study for hours, but, he found, he could focus in the library more – being surrounded by so many hardworking students he couldn’t slack off. However, after three hours he had to take a break; words, phrases merging into an incoherent mess, his eyes unintentionally skipping lines. Massaging his temple he leaned back in his seat and glanced out the window. The sun has already set, streetlight painting everything orange and yellow. Even so, the library was still full, if not more crowded than before.

Gon stared idly out of the window, when something, someone’s reflection caught his attention. White hair – that was the first thing he noticed, and he turned his head so quickly that his neck cracked. With a hand on his nape he searched for the person the reflection belonged to, and when he finally saw them, his eyes widened. A tall, lithe (male?) student walked between the desks, books in one of his hands, cell phone in the other. He wore dark blue cardigan, skinny pants and boots; his steps quiet, graceful. His face was more captivating – despite his worn out look his porcelain skin, sharp features and actual white, fluffy looking hair made the stranger incredibly attractive and Gon couldn’t help but stare. The other was busy with his phone but noticed the persistent gaze soon, and looked up. Gon was met with the bluest eyes he’d ever seen and the black eyeliner the other wore made them even more intense. Still, it wasn’t the eyeliner that made Gon’s heart almost miss a beat – the moment he could take a better look on this attractive stranger’s face he felt a familiarity he couldn’t place. He never saw this person before (he would have remembered), so what was it? Even though the other stared back Gon broke the eye contact first, turning his head away in the hope he wasn’t too awkward. The guy passed his desk and disappeared from sight, and Gon finally let out the breath he didn’t realize he held.

 

* * *

 

It was late in the evening when Gon got back into the apartment he shared with his aunt, Mito. He found her sitting in front of the tv, flipping through the channels, looking for something interesting. Despite being tired from all the studying, Gon joined her after finishing dinner, just to spend some time with her.

“Gon, look! It’s that show we used to watch together when you were little!” She exclaimed, clearly happy with her discovery. “I didn’t know they started airing it again...” she hummed with a slight frown, but it was quickly replaced with a satishfied expression.

Gon just smiled at her excitement. He remembered this show, Mito used to watch it every evening, and Gon crawled into her lap because he would feel neglected, so they watched it together. It was kind of nostalgic seeing it again, the environment, the actors, even the fashion was so different back then. Now that Gon was older he could finally understand the jokes he didn’t get when he first watched the show, this time he laughed together with Mito, and it felt right.

It was towards the end of the episode when the main characters’ only child stepped into the scene and Gon froze. He remembered this character well, it was a mischievous boy who acted in front of the adults like an angel but in reality he always searched for an opportunity to cause conflict between them. Gon was always interested in him because, he estimated, they were the same age, and the boy acted really well. The role was fitting for his appearance too – angelic face with big blue eyes and fluffy white hair.

“...and this boy, oh, I forgot the actor’s name, but if I remember correctly, he was around your age when they were shooting this. How time flies... Hey, maybe he is a college student now, just like you, Gon. ...Gon...?”

Mito was talking for a while now, Gon registered, but he still couldn’t tear his eyes from the tv. He only snapped out of his daze, when his aunt shook him.

“Sorry Aunt Mito,” he said with a sheepish look on his face. He glanced back at the screen. “You might be right with the college thing. I... I think... I saw him today.”

 

* * *

 

It’s been a week since that encounter in the library. Gon found out the actor’s name: Killua Zoldyck, a member of the famous Zoldyck family, who owned the country’s biggest entertainment agency. Gon could have searched for photos of the former actor, but he felt like a stalker already, and maybe it wasn’t even the guy he saw. Then again, blue eyes and white hair weren’t common features... Gon spent more time in the library in the hope he could see the mysterious student again, even though he knew the chances weren’t high.

The second week passed too, the library was almost too cramped – it was only a week till exam period – but Gon still haven’t seen the white-haired guy. He left the library with a disappointed sigh, there were too many people already, he couldn’t focus. He headed to the cafe for a nice hot tea, it was getting colder outside, but it was quite chilly in the reading room as well. Balancing the steaming mug in his hands he didn’t even watch where he went, looked up just in time before bumping into someone.

“Uwah, I’m sorry!” Gon let out a startled yelp and pulled back the cup before he would accidentally scald the other.

“Ah, no, I’m sorry too, I didn’t pay attention either!” The person in front of him waved his hand, blinking with their blue eyes apologetically. Gon glanced up to take a better look of them.

Blue eyes.

White hair.

Oh.

OH!!!

Gon froze like a deer in headlight.

“Uhm, hello? You OK?” The guy waved his hand in front of his face with an expression clearly questioning his mental well-being.

“Uh, yes... S-sorry...” Gon felt like an idiot for giggling awkwardly so he just sent a sheepish smile towards the puzzled guy and searched quickly for an empty table, before he could make a complete fool of himself.

The hot liquid helped him to calm down a bit. He really wondered, why did he act so awkwardly around that guy? He never had any problems with interacting with others, no matter who they were. He was never intimidated by the teachers and professors either, yet he acted now like a teenage girl with a crush... The thought made him almost choke on his drink. After his coughing subdued he saw, the white-haired guy sat not so far from him, wearing glasses as he looked at his laptop’s screen, bringing a cup of coffe to his lips from time to time.

Gon started watching him before he could stop himself. The other wore a turtle necked sweater now, which was probably – judging by the length of the sleeves – a size bigger than the other actually needed. His long fingers were almost flying over the keyboard as he typed, each movement artistic, graceful. The more Gon stared, the more he was convinced – this guy was that child actor from that show. Sure, he changed a lot in all these years, with the baby fat disappearing from his face making his features sharp (and not to mention the eyeliner), but he was still the same person. Gon felt that strange desire he felt when he was a kid again – he wanted to get to know the other. Still... considering that he was an actor, surely lots of people approached him lured in by his fame, and it must have made the former actor uncomfortable.

Gon sighed, he didn’t want to be that kind of person, so he just drank the rest of his tea and gathered his things to leave for the day. As he stepped to the counter to bring his empty cup back, someone tapped on his shoulder. Turning around he looked into those blue eyes again. He swallowed and sent a nervous smile towards the guy whose eyes narrowed in response.

“You were staring at me the whole time. Is there something weird on me?” The white haired asked him with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Uh, oh, sorry...” Gon scratched the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what to say. “I thought... you were familiar, and I couldn’t figure out where I saw you before.”

“Really?” The question was perfectly laced with polite interest, though the other’s face darkened a bit.

“Oh uhm... maybe I’m just imagining things...” Gon backed up, the reaction he got comfirming his thoughts from earlier. “Sorry, it was rude of me to stare like that,” he smiled apologetically at the other, hoping this would make up for his creepiness.

The other just shrugged, too busy with rummaging in his pockets. After a moment he tapped his pants, then he frantically dug into his messenger bag, his expression turning desperate.

“ _Shit!_ ” He cursed, seemingly forgotten about his surroundings.

“Something’s wrong?” Gon furrowed his brows.

“I forgot my phone in the flat, and I need to call my sister... Damn, what should I do now?” With his hands in white tufts he looked around helplessly.

“You can borrow mine, if you want,” Gon offered and smiled, when the other glanced at him with hopeful eyes.

“Oh no, I don’t want to trouble you...” The white-haired student backed off, a small blush appearing on his pale face.

“It’s fine, here!” Gon took out his phone an held it out for the other to take, smiling encouragingly when he was met with hesitant eyes.

“Thanks,” he mumbled after a few seconds, taking the device and dialing the number. After a while someone picked up, because he started talking. “Hey Alluka, it’s me, Killua! Sorry, I left my phone at home and I had to borrow someone else’s...”

He walked towards his table while talking, leaving Gon by the counter. It was a good thing considering how Gon felt his stomach clench at the realization. Blue eyes, white hair, Killua as first name – this couldn’t be a coincidence. This guy was really _that_ Killua Zoldyck.

“...OK... yes... you too... Bye!” Killua was back by Gon’s side, ending the call and handing back the phone to it’s owner. “Thank you, uhm...”

“It’s Gon,” he introduced himself, hand stretched out for a handshake after taking his phone back. “And it’s no problem. It seemed important.”

“It was! You really saved my life!” Killua shook his hand. “I’m Killua by the way,” small smile on his lips.

They just stood there, the silence getting more and more awkward as none of them knew what they should say or do – start a conversation or just leave? Whilst Gon knew he shouldn’t press on it, the question slipped out of his mouth before he could do anything about it.

“Are you maybe... that Killua, who played in that tv show, uhm, what was the name... I can’t remember... uhm, Killua?”

Gon blinked worrying at the other. There were a few possible reactions this question could warrant, but the furious blush and the look of sheer horror wasn’t what Gon expected. He mentally kicked himself – he really shouldn’t have brought this up. Meanwhile Killua burried his face into his palms, letting out a frustrated sigh. Gon just watched him, not sure how he could salvage the situation. When the white-haired student glared at him abruptly, he jolted a little.

“I treat you,” Killua said in a serious tone.

Gon just looked at him dumbfounded. Another unexpected reaction. “Huh?”

“I treat you to coffee...”

“But...”

“...No? Then tea.”

“Uhm...”

“Chocolate?”

“What?”

“Okay, then I’ll buy you dinner!”

“Eh?!”

“Just. Don’t. Tell. Anyone!"

_Huh???_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a prompt I found on tumblr (again)! 
> 
> I’m sorry, I know I should update After the fourth time, but I have writers’ block, and I felt bad for not posting anything, so here is this fic I wrote a little while ago! Part two will be up sometime soon too. (I hope.)
> 
> I’d like to write more, but it’s almost 2 in the morning and I’m tired as hell...
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It became an unspoken agreement, meeting in the library’s café to sit together and study. The library itself was too cramped, it was impossible to find an unoccupied desk, and if Killua was going to sit with someone, then it should be at least a person he vaguely knows, this was the only reason he went there every day. And maybe the fact that Gon’s presence put him at ease too, plus the glances they sneaked at each other weren’t too bad either, but he wasn’t going to dwell on the small details. He still didn’t know if he could trust Gon to sort him into his group of exceptional people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the chatting part the text aligned to left is Palm, and aligned to right is Killua.

Killua let out a long exhale, smoke and breath mixing together in the cold air. Digging his free hand into the pocket of his coat he fought back a shiver, really, screw this anti-smoking law! He could sit in the warm café, drink a nice cup of hot chocolate and smoke, but no, he had to stand outside (five meter away from the entry) and freeze to death. Another angry huff, another cloud of cigarette smoke. Exams and lack of sleep always made him more irritable.

Some other students were standing there too; smoking, talking, and it wouldn’t have bothered Killua the slightest, if they wouldn’t have sneaked glances towards him – glances Killua knew too well. Acting like he didn’t notice, he fished out his phone from his pocket and turned away to avoid the curious eyes. He pulled down his beanie even more, hoping it would cover more of his face and hair. He couldn’t blame them – even though he was far away from his home he was famous, though it wasn’t his acting skills, what made him well-known in the whole country. This was entirely his own fault as well, he knew, it just would have been nice if people stopped making a fuss around him (not that he was in any position to have such wishes, but one could only hope).

He expected this to happen, wherever he goes. Many students approached him, stating they were a fan or just wanting to talk to someone famous. Even though it annoyed him to death he smiled and went along with the small talk, already thinking about how to avoid them the next time he sees them. He learned not to expect too much from this kind of people, they weren’t interested in him, they were interested in his fame and his background; hoping that a friendship with Killua Zoldyck could give them a free ticket into the entertainment industry. Everyone left as soon as they realized this wouldn’t happen, and Killua was more than happy about this. This was the reason he didn’t have many friends, but it was fine. There were a few people in his life who really treasured him and he treasured them too – he didn’t need more than that.

The first person was his sister Alluka, the only person in the family who understood him, who knew him; but it was the same for Killua, he was the only one, who loved her – they had only each other. Then there were Ikalgo and Palm. To be honest he didn’t even know, how they became friends, it happened at a time when he spent the most of his nights in drunken haze, hoping that the alcohol would make his bad decisions disappear, only to wake up to even more mistakes afterwards. He didn’t know how it happened, but the two were there when everyone else left and that was all what mattered to Killua. He owed them so much; he couldn’t even comprehend it fully. And maybe he didn’t remember how they became friends; he could and would never forget that one night – lying on his stomach in Palm’s bed and crying, Palm sitting behind him, one of her hands gently stroking his hair while she was talking, saving him only with words. It was the night that brought him here and he knew he will be thankful for the rest of his life to Palm.

He exhaled long, releasing the emotions that memory stirred up in him in a cloud of smoke, it lingered around him for a while before dissolving in the air. The phone was still in his hand so he decided to check his mails; maybe he got the results of one of his exams or someone sent him the notes for the lectures he missed, but no luck. Clicking his tongue in disappointment he shoved the device back into his pocket, just to take it out again and type a short message:

 

 _Hey Palm, how are you? Sorry that I_  
_couldn’t visit you, when I was home, you know,_  
_my parents made a huge fuss around me and_  
_insisted that I stay at home with them,_  
_ridiculous… -.- At least I could spend time_  
_with Alluka. BTW why on Earth didn’t you_  
_tell me, that I’ll have so many stupid_  
_exams?????????? It’s freaking January,_  
_and I still have 8 exams left Jesus Christ!_  
_Whatever._  
_Talk to you soon (and good luck on stalking_  
_your dearest prof Knov :D <3)_

 

Barely stifling a snicker he slipped the phone back into his pocket again, not expecting an answer anytime soon because he knew Palm had exams as well, and she had a lot more considering she was in the last year of her master studies. It surprised him when he heard the short melody signalling a new message. He quickly went over it, not being able to hold back the snicker that threatened to come out earlier after reading the first lines of her answer.

 

 _Well well, what do we have here? Looks_  
_like you still don’t have enough exams, if_  
_you have energy to act like a rude brat…_  
_Speaking of them, my dear child, what_  
_exactly did you expect? As if you haven’t seen me_  
_enough crying over papers and projects_  
_before… Welcome to uni life, deal with it._  
_And it’s fine, I thought you were busy with your_  
_family, besides I was studying too. Still doing it,_  
_ugh._

_If you’re studying, how come your  
texting me? :o _

_I thought I could take a break, but if you’re  
going to be like this, I’ll go back to study…_

_Aww, come on, don’t be like this. I was  
just kidding. :c_

_Not in the mood for it, sorry._

_I can see that ._.  
How many exams do you have left?_

_I’m not gonna count bc I’ll start to cry._

_LOL I feel you_

_You better not._

_OMFG you must be rEALLY TIRED  
GO TO SLEEP. NOW!!!!!_

_Can’t do that, I still have to finish this_  
_book…_  
_Anyway, how is school? (Other than_  
_stressing)_

He smiled. His fingers were numb from the cold but he kept typing.

 

_I like it, it’s nice. The profs are rad_

_That’s good. :)  
Did you find any friends?_

_ROFL of course!_  
_Gosh Palm, you know how people_  
_are, they want to be friends with Zoldyck_  
_and not with Killua. So no thanks._

 

There was a short pause before a new message popped up on his screen.

_Again, what did you expect?  
Zoldyck is way nicer than Killua is_

_wow rude!_  
_but at least I didn’t want to stab anyone_  
_with a kitchen knife on their first meeting_  
_LIKE A CERTAIN SOMEONE, KAY THX!_

 _Whose fault was that you little_  
_brat???????????_  
_Friendly reminder: You told me I looked like_  
_a ghost that just crawled out of the screen!_

 

Killua remembered that meeting too well – it was at a house party Ikalgo dragged him to. Palm was depressed because the professor she had a crush on never noticed her and Killua just voiced his opinion on why that might be. She didn’t appreciate it too much. The memory of that moment made him choke on the sip he took from his cigarette, causing him to cough madly – a girl who passed him eyed him then quickened her pace.

_just so you know, I choked_  
_on my cigarette and it made me look like a_  
_freaking loser!_

 _Serves you right! If you have quit_  
_smoking when I told you so, this wouldn’t_  
_have happened._

 _wow thanks a lot! You know that I just CAN’T!_  
_Anyway, gotta go now, I’m meeting up with_  
_someone in a few minutes._

 _You quit with the other stuff too…_  
_But I’m not going to pester you, do_  
_what you want._  
_Is that someone a classmate?_

_Much appreciated.  
And nope, just a guy I met by chance._

_Are you two friends?_

 

His finger hovered over the screen of his phone. What should he say to that? Not even he knew if they were friends. But he could feel the hope lingering in those four words and it made his eyes sting a bit.

_Dunno, it’s a bit complicated. I tell you_  
_about it later. But I really have to go now,_  
_or else I’ll be late. Bye!_

_Okay. I’m looking forward to it!  
Take care!_

 

Killua smothered the rest of his cigarette on the ashtray and finally slipped both of his hands into his pockets, squinting against the strong chilly wind as he made his way towards the building where Gon’s exam was. They planned to go to Gon’s place so Killua can take a look on the other’s broken computer. He didn’t know how it came to this meeting, it just sort of… happened, like all of his friendships till now.

Truth to be told, he didn’t know what to think of Gon. That afternoon, when he first saw the black haired student in the library, he seemed different. This wasn’t the right term to describe him though, but Killua couldn’t come up with a better word. As he made his way through the desks, many people stared at him and he tried to ignore their gazes as much as he could, busying himself with his cell phone. But then there was one gaze he felt on himself, that he couldn’t avoid, his head raising to meet it as if it was pulled up with a string. Black spiked up hair, well-built body and tanned skin; these were the things he noticed about the other after the intense look in the stranger’s amber eyes. The guy looked at him assessing, with genuine interest, it was completely different from the looks he was used to and he couldn’t help but stare back with growing curiosity. When he got closer to the desk, the guy broke the eye contact, turning back to his textbook, but he seemed tense. Killua was surprised; it was usually him, who looked away first in situations like this. Maybe he was more tired than he thought, but this short encounter was truly intriguing.

A few weeks later he met the guy again in the café, almost bumping into him and knocking his tea from his hand. He recognized him immediately but this time he could see, the guy did too, but the way his eyes widened Killua could tell, Gon recognized him as Killua Zoldyck, and not as someone he saw once in the library. His awkward behaviours confirmed it all, and this time he looked at Killua just like the other students did. Killua couldn’t understand why it bugged him so much, but it did, so he called Gon out on it. _“Are you_ that _Killua Zoldyck?”_ was the question he hated the most and there it was, Gon asking him with a shy smile, and Jesus Christ, why did he had to do that?

They met a week after this, in the same café. Gon sat at a table by the glass wand, drinking tea and reading a thick book with furrowed brows. Killua watched him for a while. He really didn’t know what to think of Gon. He knew, he judged people too quickly, but as a former actor, a celebrity, he had to learn not to trust anyone. There were two kinds of people in his dictionary: those who didn’t give a damn about who he was and those who were only interested in his family name; Alluka, Palm and Ikalgo were the exceptions. Killua didn’t know in which group Gon would get into, because he seemed to care, but it was somewhat hard to believe, that he was also lured in by his fame, not the way most of the people were. Driven by this thought he stepped to the counter, then a few moments later he walked towards Gon’s table with a cup of tea in one hand, and coffee in the other.

Gon looked up confused when he put the tea down next to an already empty cup. When the young man saw who stood next to him his eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened.

“Killua!” He exclaimed and the addressed put his hand on his mouth to hush him.

“Idiot, don’t shout!” Killua hissed, looking around if someone heard them before letting go of the other.

“Sorry, I was just really surprised!” Gon said, rubbing the back of his neck, a sheepish smile on his face. “What’s this?” He eyed the tea.

“It’s a cup of tea, can’t you tell?” Killua made a face, but Gon just shook his head.

“I can see that, but why did you bring me one?”

“I treated you, duh,” Killua rolled his eyes. Was this guy really so dense?

“But I told you, you don’t need to!” Gon protested. “I promised not to tell anyone, that you’re…”

“I know,” Killua cut him off, because Gon raised his voice unintentionally. “It’s a small thank you for letting me use your phone.”

 “Ah, but I did it gla-“

“I know!” Killua started losing his patience. Here he was being nice to a stranger for once, and the other didn’t want to accept it. Seriously… “Just accept it, damn it, or else I’m going to drink it!” He snapped.

Gon blinked at him surprised, then his lips stretched into a wide smile. “Thank you!” He said, bringing the cup to his face, deeply inhaling the scent of the drink before taking a sip of it. Killua only realized he was staring at the other, when their eyes met. Turning his head away he heard Gon let out a small chuckle, and hoped his blush wasn’t too visible. “Would you like to sit with me?” Killua looked back at Gon, the other smiled at him warmly. “You don’t have to of course, I just thought we could talk a bit…?” He quickly added seeing Killua’s baffled expression.

“Weren’t you studying?” Killua asked nodding his head towards the book that lay opened in front Gon.

“Well yeah, but I can’t focus,” Gon scratched his face with a goofy smile.

“It looks boring as hell,” Killua noted, peaking to the page where the book was opened.

“It’s interesting, really!” Gon said with wide eyes, trying to sound convincing, but…

“You sound like you want to convince yourself and not me,” Killua remarked, smirking, when he saw Gon blushing.

“You got me!” He confessed with a sheepish laugh.

They talked longer than he thought they would, and it was surprisingly easy. Their conversation didn’t feel forced, they just talked about whatever came to their minds, and when there was nothing, they sat in silence, but it wasn’t awkward at all.

It became an unspoken agreement, meeting in the library’s café to sit together and study. The library itself was too cramped, it was impossible to find an unoccupied desk, and if Killua was going to sit with someone, then it should be at least a person he vaguely knows, this was the only reason he went there every day. And maybe the fact that Gon’s presence put him at ease too, plus the glances they sneaked at each other weren’t too bad either, but he wasn’t going to dwell on the small details. He still didn’t know if he could trust Gon to sort him into his group of exceptional people.

 

Killua arrived to the designated building. People were already leaving and soon he spotted Gon in the stream of worn-out and grumpy-looking students. The guy looked too lively for someone who just took an exam. His features lit up when he noticed Killua and he quickened his pace.

“Yo,” Killua greeted him casually when they met midway. “How was your exam?”

“I did well!” Gon beamed, not noticing or just ignoring the half-dozen students who turned towards him with murderous expressions.

“You shouldn’t say something like this out loud, you know…” Killua shook his head, flicking the other’s forehead.

“Why not?” Gon blinked with puppy eyes, rubbing the red spot on his skin.

“Let’s see… you could get dragged into the next alley and beaten up maybe?”

“Eh? Why?”

“Never mind,” Killua sighed, not phased by Gon’s naivety anymore. He knew it would take long to explain, and he wasn’t in the mood for that.

They walked towards the parking lot, Gon quickly calling his aunt to tell her they were on the way. He seemed really excited, that Killua will drive them home. His eyes widened when they arrived to Killua’s car.

“Killua, you’re really cool!” He looked at the addressed with an awestruck expression, making the other blush and drop his keys.

“The hell are you saying, you idiot?!” Killua spluttered, his face beet red.

“We’re the same age, but you already have your own apartment and car, that’s awesome!” Gon explained with a wide smile, ignoring the insult.

Killua huffed, crouching down to pick up his keys and gather his bearings. “I only have a car and that apartment, because my parents bought me them,” he murmured after straightening. “There is nothing cool in that. Now get in the car, and let’s go.”

Gon looked at him with searching eyes, but climbed in quickly after Killua shot him an urging glare. Still, his excitement didn’t fade, and Killua felt himself getting a bit pumped too. He never went to someone’s place like this before and it was kind of nice. He didn’t let it show though.

* * *

 

When they arrived, Mito already waited for them, taking Gon into a warm embrace. Killua was slightly surprised to see the red haired woman, she looked much younger than Killua expected her to be, she was maybe in her mid-thirties. She smiled at him warmly when he introduced himself, giving off a calm, natural aura, which reminded him of Gon. Soon she went back to her cooking, promising the boys to bring them something to drink later. Gon thanked her, and dragged him into his room.

Gon’s room was small, just like the apartment itself. A closet, a bookshelf, a desk and a bed, these were the only furniture that fit in, but the room didn’t feel cramped, moreover it was surprisingly neat. Gon insisted Killua takes the chair behind his desk, while he sat on his bed. Mito brought them orange juice on a tray then left.

“So, what’s wrong with your computer?” Killua asked after he took the offered drink from Gon.

“Well,” the addressed scratched his chin, “it’s very slow and since yesterday it doesn’t connect to the internet. I can’t do anything with it.”

“Did you scan it for viruses?”

“Uhm…”

“Does this thing even have anti-virus software?”

“It did… it just expired three months ago.”

Killua stared at Gon with a blank stare. Seeing the other’s sheepish smile he decided it’s better not to say anything. When he turned on the computer it started with a sudden, loud whirring, sounding more like a coffee machine than a computer, startling both of them.

“Jesus Christ…” was Killua’s first and only reaction.

“It wasn’t so loud till now,” Gon stated with a nervous laugh.

“I’m taking this thing with me,” Killua said while turning off the machine. “My brother is a pro, I’m sure he can fix it.”

“But Killua, I can't accept that!” Gon protested.

“And how are you going to get it fixed? Judging by the sound it made there are lots of things what need to be repaired and I don’t think you can afford that right now.”

“That’s true, but…”

“But what? Geez, just let me help you! I can get it fixed for you for free.”

“Is it really okay?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Killua wanted to shout, but refrained from doing so, opting for an exasperated huff.

“Thank you Killua!” Gon’s smile lit up the whole room and he had to turn away to hide the blush that threatened to creep on his face.

“Here!” He said, taking out a laptop from his messenger bag and handing it to Gon. “I don’t know when I can go back home and then bring your computer back, so use this until then. You’ll need something to study and sign up to your courses.”

Gon looked at him with wide eyes, still processing what he just heard. Soon a frown appeared on his face and he opened his mouth to protest again, but Killua lifted his hand to stop him.

“Don’t. Say. A word!”

“Not even thank you?”

“No,” he felt himself blushing. “You don’t need to thank me. It’s nothing.”

“I don’t think many people would get my computer fixed for free and lend me their own laptop, Killua. I don’t think it’s nothing,” Gon said quietly, his gaze strong on him.

Killua just shrugged, staring at the carpet. Not even he understood why he did this, why he was generous to someone he barely knew, but he wasn’t going to say it out loud. The silence stretched on, Gon’s stare not wavering for a moment while Killua actively avoided eye contact.

“You know,” Gon broke the silence, smile heard more than seen, “when I was little, we watched that TV show with Aunt Mito together. You were the same age as me, yet you acted so well, I really admired you for it.”

Killua swallowed hard. Hearing things like this wasn’t such a big deal for him anymore, considering how often people told him. And yet, sitting there in Gon’s small room and hearing this from Gon was completely different. His blush got even brighter, he was sure even his ears were glowing red, but Gon just smiled at him like he was the best damn thing in this world. He couldn’t utter a word, though Gon didn’t mind it, as he went on to say:

“I wanted to meet you so badly… I thought it would be so cool to become friends with you, but Aunt Mito said it was impossible. You were an actor and we lived at Whale Island at that time, there was no way we could meet.” Gon let out a small chuckle. “And now here you are, sitting in my room…” his voice trailed off, but his gaze never faltered.

Killua felt like he is drowning, his heart dropped and his stomach clenched. “Must be quite disappointing… The real me, I mean,” he let out a shaky laugh, unable to meet Gon’s burning eyes.

“Actually, I couldn’t be happier.”

Killua couldn’t believe, didn’t dare to believe what he just heard, his head snapping up, finally looking at Gon with gaping mouth. The other just smiled, sweet, honest, and it was too much. His throat clenched painfully.

“How can you say that… after all the things I’ve done?” It was hard to ask and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear Gon’s answer, but he needed to know.

“What do you mean?” The smile on Gon’s face turned into a confused frown.

Killua looked at him flabbergasted. “What do I mean? What do _you_ mean? Have you been living under a rock? Everything was full with my scandals, the TV, radio, newsletters, magazines… how come you don’t know anything?”

Gon shrugged, “I was never interested in gossips. Aunt Mito hates them too, and she taught me, that I shouldn’t base my judgement on other people’s opinions because everyone perceives things differently. I don’t know what you’ve done, but I’m sure they’re not worse than the things average people do. Everyone does stupid stuff. Even I’ve done some pretty reckless things, Aunt Mito was super mad, it was so scary!” Gon shook his head with a small chuckle. “So whatever it is, I don’t care. You don’t do them anymore right?” Killua shook his head. “Then it’s fine! It happened in the past, and you seem to regret it, so I don’t mind it at all. I still think it would be great becoming friends with you, Killua!” Gon finished his speech with another brilliant smile.

Killua just sat there, looking at Gon gaping. He just couldn’t believe that there was someone else beside Alluka, Palm and Ikalgo who won’t judge him for his mistakes, who didn’t even care to know about them. Gon was open and honest, ready to accept him without hesitation.

His eyes started stinging so he lowered his head, but a soft sob still escaped his lips. He heard Gon get up and soon the other’s forehead pressed to his.

“As a thank you for the computer, would you like to stay for dinner? I’m sure Aunt Mito would be glad too!”

Killua still couldn’t decide what to think of Gon, but he was sure one thing: Gon Freecss belonged into his group of exceptional people too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone remember this? *sweats nervously*
> 
> Once again, I'm so sorry for being this late with the update! I vaguely knew what I wanted to write in this chapter, I just couldn't figure out how I want to write it. I can't promise that I'll update the next one faster, I already mentioned this at my other ongoing fic: I'm bad with long-term projects, so please bear with me!
> 
> Another important thing: I'm going to start working full time very soon, so I don't know when I'll have the time, energy and inspiration to write. I hope you understand!
> 
> On another note, both Gon and Killua are 20 in this fic.  
> The university library is based on the university library in my hometown. ([reference](http://www.oldportal.u-szeged.hu/site/upload/2011/02/tik02.jpg))
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more time he spent with the white-haired young man, the more he yearned to be around him, he felt like he was pulled in by his friend’s graceful movements and shy smiles. He wanted to see more, discover more, get much closer, breach the distance that was between them.

Killua left shortly after dinner, shyly but politely thanking Aunt Mito for the meal. He didn’t let Gon see him all the way down to the parking lot, saying he doesn’t want to impose on him and his aunt more, so they said goodbye to each other at the entrance of Gon’s and Mito’s apartment.

Gon thought a lot about the day. He thought about Killua weeping silent tears in his room, about the thankful look in his eyes after he calmed down because Gon didn’t say anything about his behaviours. He thought about how Killua disappeared into the bathroom and came back with no trace of the tears he cried a few minutes ago, “ _I can’t show up to dinner with running make-up, that would be rude, wouldn’t it,_ ” was his response when he saw Gon’s stunned expression. He thought about the shy smile Killua gave him right before getting in the elevator – he saw Killua smiling and laughing a few times before, but this smile was different, even though Gon couldn’t pinpoint what the difference was. Still, he thought about these things a lot.

 _How can you say this after all the things I’ve done?_ Killua asked him with a pained expression, he looked like he was suffering a lot and Gon couldn’t even imagine what his white-haired friend did that caused him so much trouble later on. He couldn’t think of Killua as a dangerous person either, he didn’t look like someone, who would cause harm to others intentionally, so really, Gon had no idea.

“Aunt Mito?” He called out to his aunt who just finished washing the dishes and started cleaning up the counter. Mito didn’t stop with the work, only hummed in response, signalling she is listening. Gon wasn’t sure how to word his question, but he didn’t want to make his aunt wait so he went for the easiest way. “Is it true, that Killua had a lot of scandals when he was younger?”

Mito put the cleaning cloth down and turned around to look at Gon with a surprised look on her face. She didn’t expect this question.

“It is,” she nodded after studying her nephew’s expression for a short while. “Why are you asking this now?”

Gon shrugged, trying to look indifferent about the matter. “I didn’t know about them, but he mentioned it and it surprised me, I guess.”

“No wonder you don’t know about them, you never watched TV,” Mito pointed out, drying her hands and sitting down to the now clean table. Gon followed her, taking a seat across from her. “But there was a time, a few years ago actually, when all you could hear about Killua Zoldyck was his scandalous behaviour.”

“What did he do?” Gon couldn’t mask his curiosity at this point, he was eager to know what caused Killua so much pain.

“I haven’t paid so much attention to them; I’ve always hated how media portrays things, showing only a fragment of the truth, or not even that much,” she frowned; just thinking about it upset her. “But I’ve seen some reportage claiming he became alcoholic and hung out with shady groups, stealing from his family or damaging public property. It was said he’d even dropped out of school. I don’t know how accurate these news were, but it was a hard time for both him and his family. If I remember correctly his scandals stopped abruptly after he was accused of drug usage and since then there was nothing about him in the news. I guess it’s his parents doing, they are influential people.”

Gon sat there perplexed, a little shocked even, it was so hard to believe all what he just heard.

“You know a lot even though you said you didn’t pay attention,” he pointed out.

“I really didn’t pay attention; all I did was watching TV! It was all over the news and magazines; I couldn’t not get glimpses from all the scandals that were going on!” Mito said with a defensive pout.

“Killua said the same thing,” Gon nodded to soothe his aunt.

“I don’t know what was going on, the media painted a very negative picture of him that time,” Mito said after a short pause. “He did problematic things for sure and he was in a bad shape – I remember the photos people took of him. But he seems fine now and I’m so glad to see that. I’m sure he had a hard time overcoming all his past mistakes.”

“Yes,” Gon nodded affirmative, remembering Killua’s pained expression and finally understanding his words a little. It wasn’t a pleasant discovery though.

“Gon, I know you two met recently, so please don’t let this affect your impression of him,” Mito looked at him with a serious expression, seemingly misunderstanding his nephew’s contemplating silence.

“Ah, of course, that won’t happen!” Gon waved his hands, snapping out of his thoughts. “Everyone makes mistakes and Killua regrets it all, so I won’t think of him badly because of things that happened in the past. I want to become friends with him!”

“You used to say that a lot,” Mito smiled warmly at Gon from across the table. “I’m glad you got the chance to meet him!”

“Thank you, Aunt Mito!” Gon grinned, giving her a goodnight kiss and going to his room.

 

* * *

 

There was a hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. Gon groaned, he didn’t remember falling asleep in the first place.

“You’re supposed to study in the library and not sleep, you know?”

Raising his head he saw Killua smirking at him from where he stood, looking tired as well, his cheeks still a bit red from the chilly air outside. He must have just arrived at the library from his afternoon classes.

“Couldn’t help it,” Gon said still sleepy, barely stifling a yawn and massaging his sore neck. He must have slept for a long time for it to hurt so much.

“Ecology again?” Killua asked nodding his head at the thick book Gon unintentionally used as pillow. “Must be boring as hell, if you fell asleep while reading it… Look, you even drooled on it!”

“What? No way!” Gon looked down to the book in horror, only to find the pages undamaged. He raised his head in confusion when he heard Killua cackling.

“Just kidding, idiot!” The white-haired teen couldn’t stop laughing. “You should have seen your face!”

“That’s mean!” Gon huffed, a light blush spreading on his tanned cheeks for being fooled. “I don’t want to get in trouble for damaging the school’s property.”

But Killua just waved his hand, still giggling at his own silly prank. Gon tried to shove him, but the other avoided the attack easily, spinning on his heels, almost dancing away from the desk. It was a bit irritating, but looking at Killua’s graceful movements, the way his cheeks flushed and his eyes glistened with laughter, his voice and little crinkles around his eyes made it hard for Gon to stay annoyed at his friend. The blush that spread on his face wasn’t because of embarrassment this time. Killua was… endearing. He clearly wanted to see more of this.

“Hey…” Killua’s voice snapped him out of his trance. “Let’s get something to drink!”

“OK!” He jumped up, stuffing his things into his bag and following Killua downstairs to the café.

 

Since Killua’s visit at Gon’s and the conversation with Mito afterwards, Gon noticed a few things about the white-haired young man. They were small things, little quirks probably everyone had, but knowing a bit more about Killua’s background they all made sense to Gon. For example, why does Killua prefer the more isolated places in the library or in the café – he probably feels less like he is in spotlight, where everyone can see him. Which is hard to avoid, his white hair drawing attention anywhere he goes – hence the beanie, he wears a lot. It also made sense why he avoids crowds, turns away quickly and pulls his beanie down more before people could get a better look at him. Until recently, he thought Killua simply disliked attention, now he knew there is more behind it, and he wanted to help Killua to feel less uncomfortable.

“What is it?” Killua looked at him with furrowed brows from across the table.

“Huh?” Gon blinked dumbfounded.

“Weren’t you staring at me with a weird expression?”

“I was?” Gon scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Sorry,” he said with a laugh when Killua nodded. And without missing a beat he added: “I couldn’t help it I guess… you’re a good thing to look at after all!”

There was a loud clink and a fit of coughing – Killua just took a sip from his coffee and was now choking on the drink. Gon handed him a napkin without a word.

“What the hell are you saying, idiot?” Killua wheezed after his coughing subdued. His cheeks were flaming pink with embarrassment.

It was a lovely colour, Gon noted.

“I just said the truth,” he shrugged and put out his tongue.

“Oh my God…” Killua sighed and rolled his eyes, looking like he is completely done dealing with Gon. “You must be really tired…” He tried to look cool and composed, as he took another sip of his beverage.

“I am,” Gon nodded, though it had nothing to do with the compliment he just voiced, but he didn’t say that out loud, Killua was already embarrassed enough. “I had work till 2 in the morning.”

“I thought you’re working only on weekends?” Killua looked at him confused and it made Gon smile. The fact that his friend remembered this made him happy.

“I do,” he nodded, “but one of the regular workers got sick and they called me to help. A huge delivery came in, and they needed more people to load all the trucks.”

“That sucks!”

“I don’t mind,” Gon smiled with a shrug, “I like helping out people.”

“Is that so,” Killua inspected him with a thoughtful hum. “Fast and reliable Gon Freecss to the rescue, right?” Eyebrows raised, sarcasm clear in his tone. He then leaned in, looking straight into Gon’s eyes. “Just be careful with that big heart of yours! Some people might take advantage of it.”

His words were met with silence – Gon didn’t know how to react to this sudden change of Killua’s mood. There was something in the other’s eyes that made Gon swallow hard. They were rich blue, lots of colours blending into each other. It felt like their sharpness could reach to the very core of Gon’s soul and he couldn’t help but stare into them in awe. Minutes went by before Killua pulled back averting his eyes and softly clearing his throat, a light blush dusting his cheeks.  

It was one of those rare moments where Gon was at a loss for words. He grabbed his tea and took a long sip of it, blinking over the rim of the mug at Killua and he was met with the same hesitant eyes, also glancing at him over the rim of a cup. Gon let out a small laughter, heard Killua do the same – the awkwardness between them was broken.

Gon leaned back in his seat, the smile still plastered on his face. Not being able to utter a single word was quite annoying, but he found, if it happened when he was around Killua (and it only happened when he was with his friend) he didn’t mind it at all. The more time he spent with the white-haired young man, the more he yearned to be around him, he felt like he was pulled in by his friend’s graceful movements and shy smiles. He wanted to see more, discover more, get much closer, breach the distance that was between them.

“There is a movie in the theatre you wanted to watch, right?” He broke the silence.

“Uhm, yeah?” Killua was seemingly confused about what brought this on.

“Since I got called in yesterday, I’m free on Saturday. How about we go and watch it? We could have dinner after that.”

Killua looked at him wide-eyed, his mouth agape. He then blinked rapidly, that lovely pink colour spreading on his cheeks as he fiddled with his cup.

“Okay…” His answer was barely audible, but it made Gon’s heart flutter with happiness. He didn’t think his offer would be accepted so easily.

“Really? I’m glad!”

Watching Killua avert his eyes and pulling on his beanie, he couldn’t wait until Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from under her blankets* Once again, I'm so sorry for the late update! ;_; I blame work for stealing all my time and motivation! *sobs*
> 
> Also, sorry for the short chapter, I wanted to write more, but I just couldn't figure out how to put in the things I planned, so I just left them out ORZ. Hopefully I can write them later on. (If not I just write them into the notes as trivia about the story???)
> 
> I hope I can update sooner this time, bc I'll have vacation right after my birthday (which is on the 18th October, which is soon yaaay), so I'll have some time to write. I hope.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Gon and Killua are such awkward nerds I can't believe them~~
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you liked the chapter! I appreciate the kudos and lovely comments, you guys are so sweet to me! ;u; <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way Gon looked at him changed too, before he stared at Killua like he was something great, now it was more like he was the best thing Gon could imagine. The adoration, the caring in his gaze was too intense for Killua, he had to look away or else he would combust, but his eyes were drawn back to Gon’s warm brown eyes every time. And each time their gazes met, Killua felt his chest tighten, his stomach doing awkward backflips.

Nausea. Headache. Pain.

Even breathing was difficult as the world was spinning around him with crazy speed. Killua was lying on his stomach, holding onto the bed, trying to keep himself secure. It was like the ceiling could collapse and bury him any time.

And he would’ve welcomed it gladly.

He messed up.

Everything was ruined.

He wished he could’ve stopped the world and get out, escape somewhere far away, where no one knew him. Like that all this mess he was in wouldn’t be able to catch up to him.

His instinct told him if he just turns around Palm would be there and she would help him. It seemed impossible, still, ignoring the raising nausea he shifted and indeed, Palm was there. She stood in front of the bed looking at him with an unreadable expression. She stepped closer and a flashing light guided Killua’s attention to her sides. She held a kitchen knife in her right hand, the dim light of the room reflecting from its blade. Palm took another step, making her way to where Killua lay, slowly raising the knife in the air. Killua had no chance to jump up and run away, his limbs felt numb and he was still dizzy, all he could do was stare up at her as she stood right in front of him, looking back at him with the same expression.

Her arm swung forward, knife striking down like lightning.

“You failed.”

 

He jolted awake. The dull pain from the dream still coursing through his body, it took him a few moments to calm his breathing and collect himself enough to sit up. He shivered immediatelly, his sleeping shirt was damp with cold sweat, sticking to his skin. Carefully he climbed out of his bed to change into dry pyjamas, trying to be as silent as possible – if his cat notices that he’s awake he is going to pester him to give him food. Drying himself off he fumbled on the nightstand in search for his phone, almost knocking over the lamp in the process. The sudden flash of the screen made him blink rapidly, the light hurt his eyes.

It was 4 AM.

With a heavy sigh he slumped into his bed and crawled back under the blankets.

He was nervous. No, scratch that. He was afraid, hence the nightmare. He often dreamed of that night when he felt uneasy and he knew it was stupid. All of this was stupid. Palm would never want to stab him (except that one time, but that was _different_ ), the last time they met she pulled him into a warm hug. It was kind of embarrassing, but it also felt right. Not to mention he didn’t fail – well he _did_ , but thanks to Palm he stood up and kept fighting and here he was, fretting over nothing.

Though it wasn’t actually nothing, but it wasn’t worth having nightmares because of it. Meeting up with Gon and going to the cinema shouldn’t cause him anxiety. He knew. But it did. It was the first time they met outside of school since his visit at Gon’s and now things were different. Something changed in Gon’s behaviour towards him and he knew what caused it. It was hard to pinpoint that change, but it was there in their conversations, how Gon avoided certain topics, how he tried to be less loud, not shouting his name when they spotted each other and so on.

Then there was _the look_. They did sneak glances at each other from the very beginning and that was somehow okay. He found, he couldn’t stop looking at Gon, the guy was too radiant with his huge, sunny smiles and shining eyes, his matured features mixed with childlike enthusiasm. He never thought he could meet someone who’s still excited about life at this age. It wasn’t surprising that Gon stared at him a lot either, considering Killua was his childhood idol. But the way Gon looked at him changed too, before he stared at Killua like he was something great, now it was more like he was the best thing Gon could imagine. The adoration, the caring in his gaze was too intense for Killua, he had to look away or else he would combust, but his eyes were drawn back to Gon’s warm brown eyes every time. And each time their gazes met, Killua felt his chest tighten, his stomach doing awkward backflips.

Besides...

Gon said he didn’t know about Killua’s past and even if he did bad things it didn’t matter to him. Still, thinking back, it was kind of embarrassing, that he behaved so weak in front of Gon just because he was so overwhelmed. He couldn’t stop fretting over it: what did Gon think about him? It was possible, that he got curious and did some research on his past, which meant he saw all the nasty things the media told about Killua. Or maybe Gon was so careful, because he assumed Killua was easy to upset?

Or maybe he could just stop overthinking things and get the amount of sleep he needed to function properly, because honestly, all the worrying over things he can’t do anything about has made him lose enough sleep already.

5 AM.

He groaned in annoyance, pulling the cover over his head. So much for beauty sleep... _not_ that he wanted to look good in front of Gon, it was more for his own sake, yes. Like, it would be nice if he could look into the mirror without _omfg_ being his first thought after seing his reflection.

He wiggled a bit, getting into a more comfortable pose. If he’d fall asleep now, he could still catch some sleep, so he tried to clear his mind. He felt, he could sleep in anytime now, a content sigh escaping his nostrills, when he heard it.

The sound of tiny paws softly tapping on his door and then a meow, loud and demanding. Gritting his teeth, Killua tried to ignore it, maybe if he pretends to not hear it, his cat would give up – he should’ve known better though. The tapping stopped after a while, silence settling in, making Killua think _finally_ , when a sudden loud crash resonated through the quietness of his apartment.

 “... _Fuck..._ ” 

* * *

 

He was done with dressing up a long time ago and even though he had still hours till he had to meet up with Gon he just couldn’t stay still. He walked in circles in the living room, making little detours to the mirror to check if his outfit was really okay, or if his hair wasn’t a mess, and it was _ridiculous_. He was nervous and it was all ridiculous, because it was just a meeting with Gon, nothing more.

It was a meeting with Gon and it put him on edge.

Strolling towards the mirror he grabbed his eyeliner – it was the only thing he hadn’t done yet and he had to focus to not mess it up – a perfect distraction, even if it lasted only for a short while. Maybe it was weird for a guy to wear makeup, but he didn’t care about that at all. It started as something silly – Alluka insisting that he should try it too when he bought her her first eyeliner in secret and they were both pleasantly surprised with the result of this suggestion. It seemed to piss off their parents to no end and since Killua was still a rebellious little punk (old habits die hard, no?) it was a great but also very harmless way to annoy them some more. Not to mention he totally rocked it.

After finishing his makeup he was left with nothing to do again and his restlessness returned immediately. Walking around in circles made him dizzy so he flopped down into the couch, his cat climbed up onto his stomach right away. The soft purring helped him calming down a bit, he scratched his cat behind his ear lazily.

He knew his nervousness wasn’t the usual excited rush one would feel before meeting a friend, it was much more than that and he was afraid to admit it, even to himself. He was old enough to know what the fluttering in his stomach and the tightness in his chest meant, and it made everything much more complicated, than it already was. Letting Gon get closer to him was already quite daring of him, God knows what could lie behind those naive smiles. He could make Killua believe that he is kind and trustworthy, only to attack him when Killua doesn’t expect it at all. It could happen, as it had happened to him before too, still, it was hard to imagine that Gon Freecss would betray him. He wanted to believe that Gon wasn’t such a good actor to be able to fake those affectionate looks and sweet smiles, he really, honestly wanted to do so. Speaking of those smiles... but no, he wasn’t going to think about them. He wasn’t going to think about them because it was only his mind playing mean pranks on him, telling too much into Gon’s kindness.

He let out a low groan, he was thinking about unecessary things again. Walking around in the room as distraction wasn’t an option anymore since his cat occupied his stomach and that little shit slept so soundly, that he felt bad to wake him up. Driven by a sudden idea, he grabbed his phone from the coffee table and dialed, speaking as soon as the other picked up.

“Yo, I dreamed that you wanted to stab me. Is it just me, or do you have deja vu too?”

“ _Good afternoon to you too_ ,” Palm answered in a rather icy tone. “ _Do you have something to say, or are you just being a brat again?_ ”

“What do you mean again?” Killua asked feigning being hurt. “Are you saying I’m acting like a brat?”

“ _More often than necessary, if you ask me,_ ”

“Oh my god, Palm, you’re hurting my feelings!” He said in a dramatic voice. “I’m going to hang up if you keep being like that!”

“ _Killua..._ ”

“Oh, come on, what’s with the resigned tone? You know that I was just kidding. You’re totally not a bully, you’d never want to stab anyone with a kitchen knife... Oh wait, you’d actually do that! Aw snap, what should I do now?”

He heard an exasperated sigh from the other end of the line.

“ _Look, I have things to do, so if you don’t have anything important to say then I’m going to hang up,_ ” she said sounding tired and suddenly Killua thought it was a bad idea to call her.

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry...” he mumbled, not being able to hide the disappointment from his voice. “I didn’t know I bothered you, so I’m hanging up...”

“ _Okay, wait, wait wait wait!_ ” She cut him off, sounding a bit paniced. “ _It’s not like I don’t want to talk to you, you know? But unfortunatelly I have this paper due Monday, and I really should be working on it..._ ”

“OK, bye...”

“ _Don’t you dare to hang up now!_ ” Her voice sounded so sharp it hurt Killua’s ears. “ _Do you want to talk about something? Because if yes, we can do that, it’s no problem._ ”

“And what about your paper?”

“ _Do you want me to repeat myself?_ ” The irritation was back in her voice. “ _If you want to talk, then we can talk, just tell me already!_ ”

Her words were followed by stubborn silence.

“ _So there is something..._ ” she concluded with a sigh. “ _Seriously Killua, you could’ve just told me! How should I know if you’re acting so bratty and not telling me what’s up? You’re so awkward, it’s almost embarrassing..._ ”

“Shut up!” He growled into the phone, cheeks turning pink. He was glad she couldn’t see his pout, because she would’ve made fun of it for sure.

“ _You only act like this when you’re nervous, so what’s bothering you?_ ” She asked, ignoring his grumbling. It was impressive and a bit frustrating how well she could read him. “ _Do you have a test coming up? No, I don’t think you’d get so anxious about that, you’re smart after all, it must be something else, hmmm..._ ”

Killua just lay there in silence while Palm listed up several reasons, he wasn’t going to say it out loud, he wasn’t going to admit it.

“ _...or could it be... are you in love?_ ” It sounded like she was joking, but when she heard Killua’s breath hitching, she gasped. “ _Oh my god, who is it? Are you going on a date?_ ”

“I’M NOT!!” He shrieked into the phone, his cheeks burning. He ignored both Palm’s complaints and his cat’s disapproving glare for being so loud, he felt like his heart could jump out of his chest. “I’m not in love okay?” He repeated in a softer but still defensive tone. “And it’s not a date. It’s just a... meetup.”

“ _Mhmmm,_ ” Palm hummed, and Killua could tell that she didn’t buy it. “ _But you’re still meeting up with someone, right? Is it Gon?_ ”

Killua wanted to kick himself for not being able to shut his mouth. He stayed silent, but that was all Palm needed as confirmation.

“ _And what are you two going to do?_ ” Her tone was polite, but Killua could guess she was smiling.

“We’ll go to the cinema and... have dinner... afterwards,” the end of the sentence came out as a mumble, but Palm could still hear it.

“ _This sounds like a date, just saying,_ ” Palm pointed out matter of factly. “ _Man, I’m jealous... I looked this Gon up on iWiW, and he’s a real hottie, you’re lucky!_ ”

“Palm!!!” He cried out, covering his face with his free hand (and trying to ignore the small sting of jealousy he felt after hearing her opinion of Gon).

“ _You’re not the only one who’s allowed to be annoying, you know._ ”

“Is this payback for before?”

“ _Maybe,_ ” Killua could almost see the devilish smile spreading on her face and he _tsk_ ed. “ _Anyway, I don’t remember hearing about this last weekend..._ ”

“He asked me on Wednesday.”

“ _Awwww,_ ” she cooed, and Killua really considered hanging up. As if sensing his irritation she cleared her throat and went on: “ _so, are you really nervous because of this?_ ”

“I can’t help it!” Killua huffed in frustration. “I know it’s stupid, but I just can’t help it...”

“ _Are you affraid, that he’ll hurt you?_ ” Her tone was now serious, there was no hint of the previous joking. When only silence was following her question, she sighed. “ _Killua... you can’t always worry over this! You’re never going to make friends if you hide behind a wall! You should trust people more!”_

“This isn’t so easy, and you know that too!” He automatically hugged his chest with one arm.

“ _I know,_ ” Palm sighed again, _“but you should still try it! Not to mention this Gon doesn’t look like the type who’d intentionally hurt you._ ”

“I’d like to believe that too...”

“ _What stops you then? Seriously Killua, I don’t understand you! You look so different when you talk about him, you look so... happy. Like you’re having fun when you’re with him!_ ”

“Do I?” The question tumbling off his lips, voice quivering. He never noticed that, and it made the tightness in his chest worse.

“ _You do! And I’m so glad to see that after all what happened! And not just me! Ikalgo is also happy to see you smiling again._ ” She took a shaky breath, waiting a bit for her voice get stable, “ _I know it’s hard, but_ _you deserve to be happy, you know?_ ”

“...Yeah...” He breathed out, trying to will away the tears that treatened to ruin his makeup.

“ _Have fun then!_ ” She tried to make her voice lighter, but failed terribly, a sniffle following her sentence. “ _And tell me about it later!_ ”

“Got it!” Killua smiled, his hand returning to pet his cat.

After ending the call he dropped the phone from his ear with a heavy sigh. He probably had to remake his eyes, but that could wait.

First, he needed nicotine.

* * *

 

Gon was already there, standing in front of the cinema, his eyes scanning the crowd for Killua. His whole face lit up when he finally spotted his friend, a huge grin spreading on his face. Killua was already out of breath because of having to hurry, and this certainly didn’t help him regulating his breathing.

“Sorry, did I make you wait?” He asked the dark haired young man once he composed himself.

“No, it’s fine!” Gon waved a hand, “I got here a bit too early I guess...” his smile was sheepish, and the little blush that appeared on his face didn’t go unnoticed either.

“A-ah...” Was all Killua could offer and he felt like an idiot. _Very smooth, Zoldyck..._ Clearing his throat he tried again: “sorry, I wanted to come earlier, but Mr. Pants stole my carkeys and...”

“Mr. Pants?” Gon cut him off in confusion and Killua felt himself blush this time.

“My cat,” he explained, but he couldn’t get further, because Gon interrupted him again.

“You call your cat Mr. Pants?”

“W-well,” Killua felt himself get defensive, “his full name is Mr. Fluffy Pants, but it’s too long so I just call him Mr. Pants,” Gon looked at him with raised eyebrows as if he couldn’t decide whether he should laugh or not. “I think it’s a cool name, because his fur looks like he’s wearing pants, you know? But Alluka said it was stupid, and that I should call him Fluffy instead, but that sounds so lame, so we ended up fighting and...”

His words were interrupted by Gon’s laughter – the other clutched his sides and tears were forming in the corner in his eyes. Killua really regretted he wasn’t able to vanish into thin air.

“Yeah, okay, laugh at me as much as you want...” he grumbled, turning away from his laughing friend.

“Sorry...” Gon wheezed, still grabbing at his sides. Taking a deep breath he straightened and flashed an apologetic smile at Killua. “It’s a cool name! I’d really like to see him some time!”

“Well...” Killua hummed, placing a finger on his chin as if contemplating Gon’s request, “I could invite you over...” he said, the instant happiness flashing in the other’s eyes making him smile, “...but only if you won’t laugh at me anymore!”

“Awww...” Gon whined, what earned him a playful punch in his shoulder.

“Stop being so indignant, it’s a fair condition!” Killua pointed out, but he couldn’t stop himself from grinning. He bumped his shoulder into Gon’s. “Let’s go already, I’m freezing!”

“Yeah!” Gon grinned as well, returning the bump.

Looking at Gon’s strong back as they got into the line he had to admit, Palm was right. He certainly had fun with Gon and it was stupid to worry over things that haven’t even happened yet. Right now, he would enjoy himself.

Right now, it was just him and Gon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, another chapter done, yay! Being on vacation is certainly good when you want to write!
> 
> I wanted to write more into this chapter, but it would've turned out too long, and I wanted to avoid that. There's always a jumble of ideas in my head when I start writing a chapter but I end up writing only parts of what I originally planned, ORZ  
> But I love writing Killua and Palm interacting, they're such BFF's <3 (also, if anyone's wondering, iWiW was the hungarian version of Facebook. The site got closed a few years ago, after FB got more popular in the country. )
> 
> Good advice: don't ignore your cat when she's hungry. You can't win. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading, I hope you liked the chapter!
> 
>  
> 
>  **EDIT (12.13.):** This story will go on a short hiatus until January. There are just a few stressing things going on in my life and I can't focus on writing, as much as I'd like to. Don't worry though, I'm **not** going to abandon this story because I really love it, I'm just collecting my thoughts (and my life orz) so I won't ruin this fic with crappy updates.  
>  I'm sorry for this, and thank you for understanding!  
> See you in January!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To lighten the mood up again (not that it was all too necessary, but he wanted to play safe) he leaned in close, making sure he caught the other’s attention and grinned. “Do you want me to feed you?”
> 
> “Do you want me to kick your ass?” Killua retorted, and before Gon could relish in that pretty pink colour on his white-haired friend’s cheeks he felt a sharp pain in his shin – Killua did kick him, just not where he originally intended to.

If someone would’ve asked Gon how the movie was, he would’ve said “it was interesting” or “not bad”, and he’d hope the person asking him would be satisfied with that answer, not suspecting that he wasn’t paying too much attention. It was a sci-fi set in the not so distant future, a group of scientists experimenting with machines and cyborgs in attempt to save humanity. There were countless special effects, explosions, action, romance – everything to fascinate the audience, while it didn’t seem to carry a deep meaning.

The shadows and colourful lights those explosions and other effects casted on Killua’s profile were far more fascinating, Gon found. The white-haired young man was so immersed into it, a concentrated frown appearing on his beautiful face, his eyes never leaving the screen. Gon didn’t know what the movie was about, just that it was a remake of an old but famous movie, thus he had no idea what to expect. Killua however knew the original version, so every time something off happened (as Gon could only assume), he _tsk_ ed, his frown deepened or he shook his head in disapproval. Catching a glimpse of those reactions when Gon threw a (not-so) careful side glance at his companion was better, more interesting than that possible bad remake, so he didn’t regret not paying attention to the movie itself.

However, the thought that Killua might ask his opinion about it occurred to him only after they left, but it took him only one glance at the white-haired young man’s face to know he was safe. The state Killua was in was quite comical – as soon as they were out of the screening room he took his phone out and started typing with incredible speed while murmuring under his breath. “Just a moment!” He said when Gon tried to talk to him, but that moment turned quickly into minutes. It would have been fine, but Gon started to get hungry and (if he wanted to be honest with himself) this wasn’t the atmosphere he was hoping (and going) for. It took him few more minutes to grab Killua’s arm and shake it slightly. Killua looked up at him as if he just registered that there were people around him.

“Killua, let’s go already, I’m starving!” Gon said, hoping he didn’t sound too whiny.

“Ah, oh, sorry!” Killua put his phone away, flushing that lovely pink shade Gon liked so much. “Where do you want to go?” He asked trying to mask his embarrassment.

“Hmm, there is a small restaurant two blocks away, it’s not that fancy, but their food is great,” Gon looked at Killua, waiting for his approval.

“Sounds good,” the white-haired one smiled, then looked at Gon’s hand which rested still on his arm.

“OK!” Gon grinned; fighting the urge to slide his hand down and entwine his fingers with Killua’s and turned to leave.

“So cold!” Killua complained and shivered when they stepped out onto the street.

“It’s February after all,” Gon noted, feeling the cold air nipping at his own cheeks.

They quickly made their way towards the restaurant, walking a bit too close, Gon noticed, but he never mentioned it. Their arms brushed with almost every step they took so Gon could’ve easily grabbed the other’s hand, but resisted once again. He couldn’t be completely sure how Killua would react and he didn’t want to ruin the evening. Though if the dinner goes well, he’ll do it, he decided.

* * *

However, it looked like there won’t be any hand-holding later on. As soon as they sat down at a table and the waitress took their order the phone was back in Killua’s hands and his fingers were flying over the screen once again. It was starting to become quite irritating – Gon wished Killua would pay this much attention to him and not to that small device in his delicate hands. This wasn’t like a date at all – not that it was an actual date, but Gon wanted to think of it as one, so the current situation was quite disheartening.

Soon the waitress brought them their food, but even then Killua had his eyes glued to the screen of his phone, only glancing up for a moment to thank her, and really, this was getting more and more irritating. Especially since Gon had no idea how to deal with it, how to get Killua’s attention without being weird or pushy.

“Killua, your food will get cold!” Gon chided, hoping this would be a good reason for his white-haired friend to put his phone away since he knew Killua liked to eat just as much as he did. It really did the trick, because the adressed finally looked up.

“Oh, right,” Killua grabbed his fork and stabbed the roast meat with it, as if that would prevent it from getting colder and went back to typing. “I’m almost done, just a minute!” He glanced up with an apologetic look when he heard the tired sigh that unintentionally escaped Gon’s mouth.

“What are you doing?” Gon asked, because he really wanted to know what kept the white-haired young man so occupied.

“Just writing a quick draft before I forget everything. For my blog.” Killua explained when he saw the question marks in his eyes.

“You have a blog?” The dark haired young man gave him an incredolous look, to which Killua responded with a small nod.

“I write movie reviews and stuff like that” the white-haired teen added, resuming to his previous typing.

“I see,” Gon leaned back in his seat, feeling less annoyed now that he knew what was going on. Actually, his irritation from earlier seemed kind of childish and he felt a bit ashamed, especially since Killua caught on – his friend was quite perceptive about such things after all. To lighten the mood up again (not that it was all too necessary, but he wanted to play safe) he leaned in close, making sure he caught the other’s attention and grinned. “Do you want me to feed you?”

“Do you want me to kick your ass?” Killua retorted, and before Gon could relish in that pretty pink colour on his white-haired friend’s cheeks he felt a sharp pain in his shin – Killua did kick him, just not where he originally intended to.

“Oww, that wasn’t necessary!” Gon growled in pain, rubbing the sore spot on his leg.

“It was absolutelly necessary,” Killua hummed, a smug grin spreading on his face as he continued typing. After a few moments he stopped writing, his eyes scanning quickly over his work before he finally slipped his phone into one of his pockets. “I’m done for now! Sorry about the wait, it must’ve been pretty annoying...” he shot Gon another apologetic look.

“Ah, oh, no, not at all!” Gon waved with his hand, not wanting to look like an impatient idiot.

“Really?” Killua’s eyebrows raised with disbelief, an amused smile appearing on his face. “I’m amazed, that there aren’t any holes in my head, you know...” His smile turned into one of his catlike smirks when he saw Gon blushing with embarrassment.

“Okay, it was a bit annoying,” Gon admitted scratching the back of his head with a sheepish grin, but Killua just continued smirking. “But it’s really cool that you write a blog!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Killua shrugged, but he looked off to the side, the small blush reappearing on his face. “I do it since years.”

If this statement was meant to make it sound like it really wasn’t such a big deal, it totally backfired, because Gon’s eyes just widened more. “Wow, really?” He gaped at his friend. “Then you must be very good!”

“Dunno, guess I am...” Now it was Killua’s turn to scratch the back of his head. “I mean, there are a few people who always read my stuff, so...”

“Awesome!” Gon was more than amazed. “I’d love to read one of your reviews!”

“I can send you the link of my blog if you want?” Killua looked at him after a few moments of hesitation. When he just nodded vigorously, the white-haired young man took his phone out and tapped the screen a few times. “Okay, I’ve sent it to your iWiW.”

“I’m going to check it out later! Thank you Killua!” Gon beamed at his friend happily. Killua just shrugged again, but Gon didn’t mind it. His friend always acted like that when he was thanked for something and it was kind of adorable.

The conversation came to a halt as they both started eating – their food did get quite cold. Gon wasn’t so worried anymore, the awkward atmosphere that surrounded them before was gone. Though this silence was a comfortable one, he wanted to keep the conversation going – he loved Killua’s voice and how the other talked, and he hoped he could get to know more about him. They were friends for more than a month now and it looked like Killua was starting to open up to him more and more. It wasn’t like the white-haired teen didn’t share anything with him before, he was always up to a conversation. They just talked about their daily lives, like classes and school in general, as Killua always dodged skillfully any topic or questions that could lead to revealing more personal information. Gon noticed this quite soon and he always complied with the other’s unspoken _don’t ask_ request, he thought, as a former celebrity, Killua had to be careful about the things he told other people and Gon wanted to respect that. Now though (better said since that certain afternoon at his place) things were changing for the better, and Gon could only hope it would stay like this.

“How was the movie?” Gon spoke up.

Killua’s features darkened immediatelly, an annoyed frown appearing on his face. “Do you really want to know my opinion?” He asked with a deadpan expression. When Gon just nodded he pinched the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we came to watch it,” he averted his eyes while saying this, and if the blush on his face wasn’t telling enough, the way he fumbled with his fork was and Gon really had to fight the urge to take that hand and slot their fingers together. He was too cute like this. “But,” he cleared his throat, regaining some of his composure, “the movie itself... they really messed it up! Which kind of pisses me off, because they had everything to make a good remake, but no, let’s just turn this into one of those generic craps with shiny effects, predictable plots and no meaning!” He let out an angry huff at the end of his little speech.

“Was it really so bad?” Gon drew up his eyebrows.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Killua nodded with another sigh. He then held up his finger what signalled the beginning of a long explanation. “First of all, that girl was a robot, a machine and not a cyborg like in the remake. The scientist guy was obsessed with its intelligence, with the things it could do despite being a machine. He was so absorbed in his experiments that he didn’t even notice that the enemy took out his family and everyone around him and even when he found out he didn’t care about it because he had the robot girl. But then he started to realize that it had its limits and he was stuck in space with a lifeless thing – he was basically alone, because he even let his family die for that machine. So he killed himself. That’s the story of the original movie.”

“Wow, that’s very different from this version,” Gon mused. He caught a few glimpses from the movie when he wasn’t staring at Killua after all.

“Mhmm,” Killua hummed around a mounthful of food. “They could’ve made this movie into one of those comics about how bad technology and gadgets are that bitter middle-aged people like to draw nowadays, because this story is really about that. They had the perfect opportunity and it would’ve been a really good example why it’s bad.”

“The suicide scene would make more sense too,” Gon added, but couldn’t say more because Killua threw his hands in the air at the reminder, startling him with the sudden movement.

“Don’t even mention that!” His friend ruffled his hair in frustration. “How could they mess up that one so much? Like, putting it after the end credits? Really? Who stays in the screening room after the end credits start? They made everyone miss the point and meaning of the whole movie! Good thing we stayed...”

Gon couldn’t stop the laughter that slipped out from his mouth. It was kind of comical (and embarrassing), how Killua refused to leave the room after the movie was over – the cleaning lady gave them funny looks but Killua didn’t budge from his seat, almost throwing a tantrum over the ending of the film.

“Oh well,” Killua shook his head while chewing on his food, getting back Gon into the present, “this is why the industry needs me! I won’t do crappy remakes like this for sure.”

“You want to make films?!” Gon was pretty sure that his jaw dropped with amazement.

“Mhm, I want to become a director!” Killua nodded, an enthusiasm Gon was unfamiliar with glinting in his blue eyes. “Who do you think is the key person if it comes to a movie or a series? Most of the people say it’s the actor, but I don’t think so. It all starts with the director and their decision of who they’ll work with. As for the actors – they can act as well as they want, if the directors dislikes it, they’ll have to redo it until they get the OK.” His nose wrinkled a bit before continuing, “I’m quite familiar with that part actually... it was really annoying.”

Gon just chuckled, somehow it wasn’t hard for him to imagine Killua as a kid in the studio redoing the same scene for countless times, getting more and more irritated with every attempt he made.

“Anyway,” Killua went on, “it’s far more interesting than acting if you ask me. The director let me do it when I wasn’t on stage and it was awesome! He gave me the script and let me direct a few scenes. It was really difficult but I liked doing it a lot. I think he even kept a scene in the episode I directed,” there was a short pause, a nostalgic smile and a distant look appearing on his face as he stared ahead. When he shifted his gaze back at Gon there was a new shine in his eyes that left the other speechless. “I decided it back then, this is what I’m interested in, this is what I’m going to do, and I’ll pursue this dream until it’s not a dream but my profession.”

Gon couldn’t help but stare. Killua was practically shining with resolution, his eyes, his smile, his posture – everything was filled with determination and made him even more beautiful than he already was. Because Killua was beautiful – in-and-out. It wasn’t his appearance that made Gon’s chest swell this time, though he had to admit his white-haired friend looked indredibly attractive tonight. It was the light and strenght that radiated from the person in front of him – a person who’ve been through a lot of hardships and still had to bear the consequences of his mistakes. A person who hasn’t lost his light and faith despite all of this, a person who was still willing to walk the path he’d chosen for himself, who hasn’t given up and was stronger than anyone Gon had ever known. And it made Gon fall in love with him – if even more or again, it didn’t matter, he just knew that he wanted to be by Killua’s side, wanted to see more of his shine, and more importantly, he wanted Killua to recognize his own radiance, because it was clear that his friend didn’t even know of its existence.

“So admirable,” Gon murmured his eyes never leaving the gorgeous face of the other.

Killua knitted his eyebrows together, an embarrassed frown marring his features as he opened his mouth to retort, but Gon didn’t let him.

“No, Killua, it really is!” He leaned closer, making sure his friend looked him in the eyes while he talked. “You’ve been through so many things, right? I heard about them from Aunt Mito,” Gon added when he noticed the slight confusion in those blue eyes. He quickly went on when he saw them darkening, “I don’t care about them, you know that. It just makes me angry, because they were so mean to you,” he felt his jaw set at the reminder, because he did some investigation, but reading the titles and headlines of those articles was enough for him.

He shook his head, this wasn’t the direction he wanted to go. He noticed how Killua’s hands twitched and this time he didn’t fight the urge to grab them and entwine their fingers before those pale digits could curl into fists. Killua stiffened and his eyes widened at the contact, a bright blush spreading on his porcelain cheeks. Gon waited for a few minutes and when Killua didn’t pull away he squeezed the other’s trembling hands a bit. “Killua,” he spoke up, making the addressed look back at him. “I really admire you, you know? Because despite everything you kept going, you never gave up and stayed strong,” he smiled, giving the hands he held another gentle squeeze. “That’s amazing. You’re amazing, Killua. I mean it.”

“Gon...” Killua whispered shakily before sucking in a breath, his eyes turning into the perfect replicas of a starry night sky. He ducked his head probably to hide the tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks, but squeezed back Gon’s hands before pulling away. It wasn’t surprising that Gon already missed the contact, but he got the most beautiful smile in return, when Killua lifted his head and looked back at him again. It was soft, grateful and so very affectionate it made Gon’s heart flutter.

They stayed silent for a few more moments, before Killua subtly glanced at his watch and Gon got the hint immediatelly.

“Shall we go?” He asked with a kind smile.

“Yeah,” Killua nodded returning the smile then starting to search for his wallet.

“Oh, you don’t have to, I’m paying,” Gon said immediatelly which earned him a confused stare.

“What are you talking about?” Killua frowned still intent on finding his purse.

“Don’t search for your wallet, because I’m paying. I treated you to dinner,” Gon explained.

A short pause, then: “No way!” Killua shook his head violently. “There’s no need for that!”

“Why?” It was his turn to frown now. “You gave me so many things already, why is it so bad that I want to return the favor?”

“That’s not it...” Killua huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t you work hard for that money?”

“I did, so I get to decide who I’m spending it on,” his tone wasn’t letting room for arguments and Killua pursed his lips. “Besides Ging sent us money so Aunt Mito told me to spend my payment on whatever I like.”

“And you spend it on me...” Killua sounded like it was a waste to do so, what made Gon’s frown deepen.

“I’m spending it on _us_ ,” emphasising the last word he hoped Killua would understand what he meant.

Killua pursed his lips again, an array of emotions flashing in his eyes, before he let out a loud sigh and raised his hands in mock-surrender. “All right, do what you want!”

Gon just grinned in triumph and waved to the waitress.

* * *

It was still very cold outside, if not colder, than when they headed to the restaurant. Though maybe this time it wasn’t the chilly wind that made them huddle together while walking towards Killua’s car. They walked closer to each other than before, their arms completely pressed against other’s, their hands brushing with every step they took. It was after the second or third brush when Gon grabbed Killua’s hand, slotting their fingers together with ease. Killua tensed at the touch just like the first time but relaxed a lot sooner, even giving Gon’s hand a gentle squeeze, what made his heart flutter with happiness. It might be a simple gesture for others, but Gon knew, this meant so much for the two of them, because Killua finally let him step closer, started trusting him more.

They walked in silence, words weren’t necessary at this point. Just walking hand in hand was enough, and to be honest, Gon didn’t know what he could say or talk about. Though there were a few topics he could bring up, but he knew he could ruin the mood with unnecessary chattering and he’d rather bask in this peaceful tranquility and Killua’s warmth against his palm.

They arrived to Killua’s car, but the white-haired young man didn’t pull away immediatelly, turning to face Gon instead and giving him a warm smile.

“Thank you for the evening, Gon,” he said softly, his eyes shining with quiet happiness.

“You don’t have to thank me, but you’re more than welcome,” Gon returned the smile, tracing small circles with his thumb on Killua’s and the other just huffed out a soft laugh.

“Hey Gon!” Killua looked him now straight in the eyes despite the warm flush on his face (which wasn’t caused entirelly by the cold air). Taking a deep breath he went on: “next time, I’m going to pay,” his tone firm, still looking at Gon as if wanting to make sure the other understood what he said.

It only took Gon a second to grasp the meaning and it almost made him feel giddy with happiness. Driven by that warmth he stepped closer, placing a butterfly kiss on the top of Killua’s nose.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is it, a new chapter!! I'm so sincerelly sorry for the long wait, I can't even express it! ;_; I had to put this story on a hiatus bc life got quite hard to handle (esp. in December), and it was impossible for me to focus on two ongoing fics at the same time, I'm really sorry about that!  
> I'm home this whole week, so I try to bring out one more chapter, I hope I can get it done!
> 
> I don't really know what else I could say, so thank you for reading, but more importantly thank you for your patience, it means a lot! ;_;  
> (also sorry for the possible mistakes and typos, I reread the chapter, but there are always a few ones that I won't notice ORZ)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few moments went by with Killua just staring dumbly at Gon, but he couldn’t avert his eyes from him. The strong determination and confidence that radiated from him was fascinating, he was practically shining like the Sun. He was so gorgeous, Killua found it once again hard to breath. It was quite unbelievable that such a bright person like Gon existed.

“I thought you quit,” Killua stared at the cigarette pack in Palm’s hand with narrowed eyes.

He was smoking on the balcony of her flat, not expecting her to join him at all.

“I did,” she nodded with an exhausted sigh, pulling out a cigarette from the stack.

“Then? What happened?” He remembered how resolute she was back then, even refusing to be in the same room with them after they came back from smoking so she won’t get tempted by the lingering smell. It was kind of surprising and also a bit alarming to see her smoking again.

Palm just looked at him with the same tired expression, sighing again. “My thesis,” was the only answer and that was all Killua needed to hear. He nodded in understanding, lighting her cigarette without further questioning.

They smoked in silence for a while, watching the bustling city from above, listening to the noises the wind carried up to them. It was already March, the weather slowly warming with every day, though the chilly wind still nipped at their cheeks.

“You look awful,” Palm pointed out after taking a long drag from her cigarette.

He swallowed back the snarky comment in the last minute, not wanting to die at a young age. She reacted less aggressive when it came to his remarks, still, it was better to refrain from saying things like “I’m surprised no one came to exorcise you yet” when they were standing on a narrow platform on the 8th floor.

“No jealousy please!” He wagged his index finger at her, also taking a long drag.

“I’m serious,” Palm frowned though Killua could see the ghost of a smile on her lips.

He shrugged. “School’s just getting a bit too much. I don’t think I have to explain.”

“You really don’t have to,” Palm shook her head, smothering her cigarette on the ashtray.

Killua looked at her as she glanced inside her room. She looked worn out, her skin paler than usual, looking almost greyish, her eyes were baggy, big dark circles showing how little sleep she was getting recently. Her long black hair fell into her hollow cheeks, making her resemble a ghost. He followed her glance into the room, taking a better look at her desk – he couldn’t see so well, though the tall piles of books and notes in disarray spoke for themselves. Palm was indeed very busy with writing her thesis, additional schoolwork and tests hindering her from getting her well-deserved rest. He wasn’t even planning on coming here as he just came home to pick up Gon’s fixed computer and a few clothes, give Alluka a few hugs while he’s there, but it’s been a while since he saw her and it seemed like a good idea to come and say hi. He didn’t want to hold her back from finishing stuff, so he smothered his cigarette too and walked towards the balcony door.

“I’m leaving, don’t wanna hold you back from studying.”

To his surprise Palm jumped in front of the door, stopping him from leaving.

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere!” She exclaimed, some liveliness creeping back into her eyes. “Not before you tell me about your date with Gon!” She added after seeing Killua’s puzzled expression.

“Oh my god, Palm, can you not?!” Killua cried out, his face twisting into an embarrassed grimace.

“Don’t give me that look!” She jabbed a finger at him. “It’s been almost a month now and you still haven’t told me about it even though you promised!”

“I’ve been busy, okay?” Killua ruffled his hair in frustration, he knew there was no way out of this situation.

“That’s not an excuse!” She folded her arms in front of her chest, shooting him a demanding glare. “I’m not letting you out of the house until you told me everything. I’m serious!”

Killua just gaped at her, being completely at a loss for words. “What the hell?” He uttered when she didn’t budge from the door. “Come on, Palm, this is totally unnecessary!” He tried to bypass her but it was futile. “Geez, okay, I’ll tell you, just let me in, it’s cold here!” He sighed in defeat, raising his hands in surrender.

Palm gave him on last glare before stepping aside. “Don’t you dare to run away, or I’ll hunt you down!”

“Yes, yes...” He mumbled in resignation. He was sure she would follow him even to the end of the world until she got what she wanted.

He stepped into the warm room, shrugging off his coat leisurely, taking his time in nestlig himself on her bed. ( _That_ bed again, the thought, the memory surfaced in Killua’s mind but he didn’t want to dwell on it.) Palm took a seat at her desk, looking expectant and kind of inpatient.

“So...” he started but didn’t really know what to say. Just the memory of that evening made him feel warm all over and judging by the anticipating look Palm gave him, she noticed it. He exhaled sharply, opting for the only thing he could say without imploding with embarrassment: “It wasn’t bad.”

Palm looked like she’d flip the table at him any moment.

“No, but really, what do you want me to say?” He raised his hands in defense.

“Everything!” She replied immediatelly, rolling her eyes at him for being so clueless and vague. “And don’t you dare to talk about the movie because I’ve read your review so I know it was garbage. I want to know about _the date!_ ” She leaned forward, poking his chest with her long finger.

“Ugh...” he groaned, swatting away her hand. The word date made his cheeks heat up even more. “That wasn’t...” he wanted to say it wasn’t a date but he couldn’t say it loud. Sure, it wasn’t an official date (does something like that even exist?) but what was it then?

Sensing the change in his demeanor, Palm knitted her eyebrows. “Okay, wait! You two aren’t dating?” She cocked her head to the side, trying to get a better look at his face.

“Dunno...” Killua shrugged after a short pause, looking to the side.

“You don’t know?” Palm repeated after him incredulously, raising her brows at him. “How can you not know?”

“We haven’t really met since that...” he stared ahead, only looking up when he heard a small gasp coming from Palm’s direction. “We’ve been both busy, that’s why,” he clarified when he finally understood the pitying look in her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong I guess...”

Palm just nodded, clearly relieved that the reason for their lack of meeting wasn’t anything serious. “But doesn’t he do anything? I mean, giving you signs or approaching you differently than from before?”

Killua felt heat rising to his cheeks again. There were signs, of course, plenty of them. And the way he approached was different too, that was the most confusing about this – though they would be crystal clear for anyone else and he was probably the one who made everything difficult with overthinking. He’s been thinking about it since that evening, since that dinner at the restaurant. Even after their short meetings, studying sessions at the library, the thoughts, the doubst were there, but in the end he reached the same conclusion. Maybe he was just too scared to face it.

Looking up his eyes met with Palm’s. She watched him with genuine concern, something he didn’t receive from too many people. Thinking hard about this situation, about _Gon_ , caused him so many sleepless nights and he really wanted to get rid of this confusion, of these doubts, but there wasn’t anyone he could trust with his thoughts. Except his sister and Palm.

“It’s not like there aren’t any signs...” he mumbled, averting his eyes. This was going to be embarrassing enough, he didn’t want to see her reaction to make it more uncomfortable. He shifted a bit, trying to delay speaking with every possible method. “He... took my hand at the dinner and now we hold hands sometimes... not always, just when we’re alone or there aren’t many people around us. That’s kind off nice of him I guess, I mean you know... he tried to do it once in the middle of the campus and I told him not now but he understood so...” he bit his lip in attempt to stop himself from rambling and embarrassing himself even more. Palm was suspiciously silent, but he didn’t dare to look in her direction. He took a deep breath before continuing:

“He really... acts different... well not that different, he is just. He is a bit bolder? And he blurts all kind of cheesy stuff, it’s embarrassing as hell...” he unintentionally groaned just remembering them. Then he made the mistake and glanced up at Palm. She covered her mouth with her hand, looking like she was about to burst out in laughter.

“I’m leaving!” He jumped up from the bed, but Palm’s fingers circled around his wrists immediatelly, pulling him back while laughing. Really loudly.

“You’re not!” She said still giggling and it really pissed him off.

“Then stop making fun of me!” He hissed but still let himself get yanked back to the bed.

“I’m not!” She tried to give him a serious look but it was betrayed by the trembling of her lips. “You’re just so cute, I couldn’t help it! I’m sure Gon loves that too!” When Killua shot her a scandalized look she shrugged. “I mean, you can be quite adorable when you’re not acting like a brat.”

Killua cursed his pale complexion for he felt like his cheeks were on fire, folding his arms in front of his chest as if wanting to defend himself from further embarrassing comments.

“That’s creepy...” he mumbled but Palm just shook her head.

“See, that’s what I meant,” she pointed out but he wasn’t sure if this was considered as adorable or bratty. He didn’t really want to know though. “So he says cheesy stuff... he compliments you, right? Awwww!” She cooed after seeing his deepening blush but stopped right after he glared at her.

Killua let out a long exhale. It was quiet again for a while.

“I don’t know what this is,” he finally murmured staring at the sheets. “We hold hands and he... well I think I know what his intentions are, but we barely have time to meet and talk about it. I don’t know what to call it.”

“Do you think he isn’t serious about this?”

He closed his eyes. Three short sentences: _I really admire you_ , _you’re amazing, Killua!_ and _I mean it_ echoed in his mind. Gon truly looked like he meant what he said to him, the way he looked at him, how he gave his hands a gentle squeeze and then there was that little kiss at the end of their “date”. Even so, he couldn’t stop thinking: what if Gon turns his back at him when he has no use for him like everyone else did? Opening his eyes but still avoiding looking into Palm’s concerned ones he nodded.

“But you said, that he doesn’t care about your past and your financial status! He treats you like a normal person, and from what I understood, he adores you. And let’s not talk about you! You should’ve seen yourself how you babbled before,” she just smiled at his embarrassed scowl. A short pause, then: “He makes you happy, right?”

Killua let his head fall back as he stared at the ceiling. Of course Gon made him happy. Of course. His friend was the only reason he didn’t snap from all the schoolwork and endless looking classes, just the thought that he could meet Gon in the library – even if for 30 minutes and even if they just sat in silence studying – made everything much bearable. Meeting Gon meant he could see his smile, hear his voice, be by his side – it was all he wished for.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Then why are you so afraid?”

He finally looked at Palm, smiling bitterly. “This is too good to be real.”

In the next moment he found himself in Palm’s arms, she practically launched herself from the chair to hug him. He let out a startled little sound but didn’t do anything against it. Being held by Palm felt surprisingly nice, her familiar scent was soothing and comforting.

“Silly boy!” She chided him softly, gently carding her fingers through his hair. “When will it finally get into your thick skull that you deserve to be happy too?”

He just let out a small laugh through his nose, making a few strands of her hair dance. She pushed him away gently, her hands not leaving his shoulders as she gazed into his eyes.

“Repeat after me!” She commanded with a stern voice. “I deserve to be happy! Come on, do it!” She urged him when he scowled instead of doing what she said.

“I deserve to be happy...” he recited with a sigh.

“That wasn’t even nearing it... say it again!” She gave him a little shake.

He gave her a weak glare but complied, somewhat louder this time. “I deserve to be happy.”

“A bit better, but I’m still not conviced,” she shook her head, her black hair dancing with the motion.

Killua took a deep breath – though he knew Palm just wanted the best for him – this little game was getting on his nerves. He looked straight into Palm’s eyes, saying the line with all the conviction he could muster. “I deserve to be happy!”

“Damn right!” She nodded, smiling at him like he was a kid, though Killua couldn’t help but return it. “Next one: good things can happen to me too! Come on, Killua!” She gave him a stern look when he rolled his eyes.

This was quite ridiculous, but he couldn’t stop smiling while he repeated it.

“See, it wasn’t so hard!” She gave him a satishfied grin, patting his head. “I recommend saying these lines at least twice a day.”

“Yes Ma’am!” He straightened his back and saluted, making her chuckle and ruffle his hair.

“If you’re so worried, talk to Gon. If you’re important to him, he’ll find some time for you and you can clear things up.”

“You’re right,” he nodded, giving her a grateful smile. She was right though, good things indeed happened to him too, one of them was sitting right in front of him, but he didn’t dare to say it out loud. He wasn’t as bold as Gon.

* * *

There were more people in the library now, it looked like the semester (and the professors) was rough on everyone. Killua walked around occupied desks, looking for a certain student but he couldn’t see those black spikes amongs the numerous down turned heads. He even checked the desks they often sat at but with no success, so he sighed invardly and turned to leave. He wasn’t too surprised though, it wasn’t like they talked before about meeting up and study together, but he hoped he could see Gon for a bit. After getting home from visiting Palm he made up his mind, he wanted to talk to Gon about the two of them, but he knew this wasn’t going to be easy. He knew how busy Gon really was and he didn’t want to be selfish regardless of what Palm said. (And it was still quite terrifying to talk about his feelings openly.)

With these thoughts in mind he made one last detour in the hope Gon chose a more secluded area to study and right after glancing between two tall shelves he spotted a figure that made him stop. He would recognize those broad shoulders anywhere but he was still careful as he stepped closer – though it was unecessary when he got a bit closer and saw that it was indeed Gon. His friend was hunched over the desk sleeping soundly, using one of his thick books as pillow again, soft snores leaving his slightly opened mouth. Killua shook his head as he closed the distance, silently pulling out the other chair and sitting down to watch Gon as he slept. His dark haired friend looked more than worn out, the dark circles under his eyes were clearly visible even while sleeping, his tan skin sporting an almost sickish tone. Even so, in that moment he looked at peace, maybe he had the best sleep he got recently and the sight made Killua swallow hard. He wanted to reach out so badly and touch Gon, just pat his hair or stroke his cheek but he was hesitant. They were at a secluded area, the tall shelves really did a good job to hide them from the rest of the students but he still glanced around catiously before lifting his arm and carding his fingers through black hair. Gon made a tiny sound at the touch, his lashes fluttering ever so sightly and Killua had to swallow again for his mouth went dry.

“Killua?” He heard the sleepy call and he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest when he saw amber eyes blinking and slowly focusing on him.

He leaned back quickly (when did he lean in so close anyway?), feeling heat rushing to his cheeks immediatelly. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean...” he mumbled, but was silenced when Gon caught the hand he tried to take away from the other’s hair and entwined their fingers loosely.

“Hey,” Gon said softly, his voice still heavy with sleep but smiling nonetheless and Killua had to think about sunrise on an early summer day because that was exactly what that smile was like.

“Hey,” he whispered back, not trusting his voice.

They stared at each other for a while and Killua wondered if he was an idiot for doubting Gon’s feelings even for a short second. The amount of affection he saw in those brown eyes was overwhelming yet he couldn’t tear his eyes away, Gon was too bright and gorgeous. Killua shifted his attention to their hands, the feeling of a calloused palm pressing to his becoming slowly familiar. Suddenly Gon pulled their hands towards him, pressing soft lips to the back of Killua’s hand.

“I really like your hands. They’re so pretty,” Gon murmured against pale skin and Killua felt like the air was knocked out of him.

“What are you doing?!” He squeaked, his face burning.

“It’s not like anyone can see us here,” Gon frowned a bit but released his hand anyway.

“You’re so embarrassing...” Killua mumbled, hiding both of his hands under the table, making Gon chuckle. His skin still tingled where Gon’s lips touched it.

There was a short pause. Gon stiffled a yawn and stretched, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands before grinning sheepishly.

“I fell asleep again, huh...” he murmured absentmindedly, his eyes wandering to the books in front of him.

“The library isn’t for sleeping, I told you before, did I?” Killua shook his head, poking his friend’s side. Gon let out a surprised little squeak and tried but failed to grab Killua’s finger.

“The librarian lady told me the same thing yesterday,” he laughed, scratching the back of his head.

Killua eyed the books on the desk – one thicker than the other – and shook his head again. “I hope these aren’t due tomorrow.”

“No, but I wanted to start earlier because I don’t know if I’ll have time to finish these,” Gon wrinkled his nose, the weariness back in his features. “It’s not working out so well I guess...”

Killua studied Gon’s face now, his eyes lingering on the dark circles under Gon’s ones. He got up from the chair, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Let’s go!” He said, already placing some books on the cart.

“Where to?” Gon frowned in confusion though he started putting away the books as well.

“We’re eating out,” Killua clarified, giving Gon a meaningful look as he went on: “and I’m paying.”

He swore, the smile he got as answer from Gon could have illuminated the whole building.

* * *

 “Don’t you think I’m a bit underdressed?”

Killua looked up from his menu to see Gon fidgeting in his seat across from him. His friend seemed a bit uncomfortable, glancing around, probably to check if he wasn’t too out of place. It was a rare sight, he didn’t see Gon nervous too often and somehow it was relieving – it meant that Gon was affected as well.

“Don’t worry, you’re just fine like this,” he answered, lifting the menu a bit higher so it covered his face in case Gon decided to say something embarrassing, and when there wasn’t any comment following his statement, he added: “I’m not dressed up either.”

“Ah, but you always look like a model!” Gon protested and Killua felt his cheeks heating up.

_There it is..._

He glared at his dark haired friend from behind the menu. “Stop saying such embarrassing things!” He hissed and judging from the stupid grin Gon gave him he was 99% sure that the idiot did it on purpose, just to see him red-faced. It was time to distract Gon from teasing him. “Have you even decided what you’re going to order?”

His tactic worked, Gon’s eyes fell imediatelly at the menu in front of him, his amused grin turning into a sheepish one as he grabbed it and started flipping through the pages hastily. Killua couldn’t help but laugh.

“Idiot,” he snorted and rolled his eyes when Gon stuck out his tongue at him.

After the waiter took their orders Gon leaned back in his seat, barely stiffling a yawn. He looked even more tired in the dim light of the restaurant.

“You should take it easy!” Killua said, propping his chin in his palm. “You’re going to collapse one day if you keep this up!”

“That wouldn’t be too good...” Gon admitted, scratching his cheek with one finger. “I guess I’ll take a day off from work.”

“You should,” Killua agreed. “Are you working to pay the tuition fee?”

“Yeah,” Gon nodded and took a sip from his water.

Killua frowned. He didn’t want to press it, but... “But isn’t your father famous? I mean, he could help you pay the fee and you wouldn’t have to work so hard,” he explained when he saw the question marks in Gon’s eyes.

“Oh, he does,” Gon answered, smiling when he saw the puzzled look Killua gave him. “Just not all of it.”

“But why?”

Gon smiled again, but this time there was a glint of determination in his eyes.

“It’s something I decided for myself, so I wanted to do it on my own. And I don’t want to impose on him.”

“He is your father!” Killua blinked incredulously at Gon. “Shouldn’t it be normal that he helps you through it?”

“Aunt Mito said the same,” Gon laughed. “She was really against it, but I think it’s easier for the both of us if I work too. I don’t plan to work so much in the future anyway.”

“Do you want to get the free tuition?”

“That’s the plan.”

The waiter arrived with their food so the conversation stopped for the time being. Maybe it was a bit weird that they talked about this only now, considering that they were friends (and maybe more) for a while, but Killua simply didn’t know if it was okay to ask such questions. Though they probably weren’t too personal Gon didn’t really talk about it so he didn’t press on it either. Now everything made more sense, why Gon was studying so hard and Killua was kind of impressed especially since Biology (Gon’s major) was quite difficult. It was also a small mystery for him why did Gon chose such a hard major but he never questioned it before. Now though his curiosity was piqued again.

“But why Biology?” He asked.

“I haven’t told you yet?” Gon raised his eyebrows when Killua shook his head. He then straightened, a determined look settling in his features and smiled. “I want to save Whale Island.”

“Huh?” Killua wasn’t sure if he heard it right.

“You see, it’s my birthplace, I grew up there so I want to do anything to protect it. It’s a small fishermen’s island, but it’s also the home of lots of rare species, all kind of rare plants and animals, but they became endangered. So many greedy people come to the island and hunt for the foxbears even tough it’s forbidden,” Gon frowned at the mere thought. “The locals can’t do anything to prevent it, so Ging fights the government since years to make it stop, but they say that if we want to build a national park or something like that we have to apply for it and even so we need more people. Though I don’t understand why, because Ging isn’t alone, Kite is there too with his team so it should be enough.”

“That sounds fishy,” Killua frowned. “I’m pretty sure they just don’t want to deal with it.”

“If they need more people, then they’ll get what they want!” Gon stated, the determination in his eyes becoming stronger than before. He was almost glowing and Killua couldn’t help but stare. “I’ll become a biologist just like my father and I’ll help him to protect our home. If there is something I can do, then I’ll do it whatever it takes!”

A few moments went by with Killua just staring dumbly at Gon, but he couldn’t avert his eyes from him. The strong determination and confidence that radiated from him was fascinating, he was practically shining like the Sun. He was so gorgeous, Killua found it once again hard to breath. It was quite unbelievable that such a bright person like Gon existed.

The silence was broken by Gon’s cell phone, the loud ringing snapping out both of them from their thoughts. Gon flashed an apologetic smile at him, but Killua didn’t mind – his racing heart could use a little break.

“It’s Aunt Mito,” Gon noted before putting the device to his ears. He tried to call her earlier but she didn’t answer the phone.

Killua zoned out a bit. He knew the conversation wasn’t anything private but he still tried not to listen to it, though there was a sentence that his ears picked up.

“Yeah, I’m with him,” Gon said smiling, a small blush appearing on his face when he listened to Mito’s answer. “Thank you!” He chuckled and when their eyes met the blush deepened.

Killua averted his eyes, the sole fact that Gon talked about him to his aunt made him flustered and he was really glad he couldn’t hear what Mito said.

“What?” Gon’s tone rose a bit. “Oh no, it’s not... uh,” he flailed with his free hand even though Mito couldn’t see him. “Yeah, we’re just having dinner. Yeah!” He laughed nervously as he averted his eyes. “No, I’ll come home, Killua will drive me. Mhm. Yeah. Okay, I’ll tell him. Bye!” Gon hung up and an awkward silence settled in.

“She says you should come by some time again,” Gon broke the silence, his mouth curving into a sheepish smile.

Killua cleared his throat. “That’s nice of her,” he nodded awkardly and the conversation halted again. Killua knew he shouldn’t ask because if _that_ Gon got flustered he’ll die from embarrassment for sure, but his curiosity was really out of control today.

“What did she say?” He asked, hoping he won’t need further explanation.

The bemused look the question warranted disappeared almost immediatelly from Gon’s face and the blush was back. He laughed again, probably to mask his embarrassment. “She thought I would spend the night at your place,” he explained and for once he averted his eyes as well.

Killua was truly glad for that because he was sure he looked like a total idiot with his furious blush and gaping mouth. After a few moments of complete stupor he buried his face in his palms and surpassed the urge to scream into the silence.

“Holy shit...” he then whispered. “Why would she think that?”

“Uhm...” Gon sounded uncertain and it made Killua peak out from between his fingers. “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked you first, but Aunt Mito hates gossiping so I thought it would be okay to tell her. Uhm. About... _us_.”

Killua felt like his heart jumped into his throat. He knew Gon was always honest with his aunt thus he was sure that he told her the truth, what he really felt and thought. He couldn’t figure out how to bring this up so this was the perfect opportunity to ask the important question that has been nagging him for weeks. With throbbing heart he lowered his hands and looked at Gon.

“What did you tell her?” He posed the question quietly.

Gon looked back at him, though Killua noticed how the other took a deep breath before reaching out for his hands. Killua watched silently as their fingers laced together and noticed with a small surprise that Gon’s hands were slightly trembling too.

“I told her,” Gon started and Killua immediatelly looked up, “that I really like you and not just like a friend. That you mean so much more to me,” he swallowed hard before continuing. “And I told her that I hope you feel the same way but even if you don’t I’m glad that I can be by your side.”

Killua inhaled sharply. He couldn’t believe his ears, this was really too good to be true. Not that he thought that Gon was lying, the nervous anticipation in Gon’s eyes was too real. But to think that such an incredible person chose him of all people?

“She didn’t mind it,” Gon went on after a few moments, “because she saw that you make me happy. She knows the best how badly I wanted to meet you after all. Still, I’m sorry for not asking you before. And I’m sorry if this made you uncomfortable.”

Killua shook his head. He had to say something, he had to reassure Gon that he was happy – so much so – to know that Gon really liked him and it wasn’t just some game. But his throat was clenched so tightly he could hardly even breath. Still he had to try. He squeezed Gon’s hand as he took two deep breaths and looked into Gon’s amber eyes.

“It’s okay,” he whispered because he didn’t trust his voice. He gave the hands that held his another squeeze and smiled. “I’m glad.”

He let out a startled yelp when Gon suddenly threw himself at him – good thing they sat at a more secluded table. Despite that said table was between them Gon pulled him as close as he could, laughing and breathing in his scent as he buried his face into Killua’s shoulder.

“I’m so glad!” Gon sighed, relief and happiness dripping from every word.

Killua laughed too, trying to hug the other back.

 

Palm was right once again: good things did happen to him too, and this was the second example.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws chapter at you*  
> I'm going to write a proper end note tommorow but now I'm going to bed bc I have work tomorrow and I'll be so dead if I don't sleep enough ugh.
> 
> *Edit* Okay so proper end note! :D What to say about this chapter uhm... OTHER THAN I FREAKING LOVE PALM OMG. Also Killua is me when he tried to talk about his date with Gon (I did and said the exact same thing when my friends tried to ask me about my date LOL)  
> But they're finally together aaaaa *-* I can't believe I got to write it. I hope I can update more in the future bc I really enjoy writing this fic, and your feedbacks make it even better <3  
> Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This, just the two of them sitting in Killua’s living room and watching something while munching on various snacks was worth everything and he wanted to make Killua believe this as well.

“Hey you punk! I can’t believe I actually met you outside of school!”

Gon just laughed good-naturedly. It was Saturday afternoon and he was standing on the sidewalk waiting for Killua to pick him up. He listened to his friend’s (now boyfriend’s) advice and took a day off from work, he didn’t want to make Killua worry too, Aunt Mito’s concerned glances were more than enough. He knew it too – it wouldn’t do him any good if he’d overworked himself to the point of passing out from exhaustion and judging from his naps in the library he wasn’t far from doing that.

Besides, taking a day off from work meant that he finally had time to meet up with Killua, what he really yearned for since they couldn’t do so lately at all, save for that impromptu date the other took him on. Looking at the recent development of their relationship it was time to have another, more planned out one, so they agreed to have a movie night at Killua’s place and Gon was now waiting for him to pick him up.

And, of course, Knuckle had to find him today, sling an arm around his shoulders and yell into his ears.

Of course.

It wasn’t like Gon disliked his classmate, he had a good heart despite looking more like a thug than the animal lover he actually was. Right now he just wasn’t the company Gon was looking forward to have though he didn’t let it show.

“Watcha doin’ out here?” Knuckle asked but he didn’t wait for an answer. “You’re kinda neglecting us, dontcha think? You never come with us when we invite you to hang out!”

“Uhm, sorry about that,” Gon chuckled nervously, feeling a bit guilty now because he did neglect his friends a bit. “I’ve been busy with work you know,” and with Killua too, but Knuckle didn’t need to know that.

“Yeah, you’re a hardworking guy,” Knuckle nodded in agreement, finally lowering his arm and patting Gon roughly on the back making his classmate cough. “Still, you’re hanging out in the library too much, what’s up with that?”

Gon just shrugged, not knowing how to respond – better said what kind of answer wouldn’t sound as an excuse. He went to the library because of Killua of course, and while he didn’t think of his relationship with Killua as a secret, he was sure Killua didn’t want to make it public.

“So, whatcha up to?” Knuckle asked his next question, seemingly not minding the lack of responses to his previous ones at all. “Meeting up with someone?”

“Yeah,” Gon smiled, and he felt warmth settling in his chest. “I’m waiting for Killua.”

To his mild surprise Knuckle fell into silence at this. He did tell his friends about his friendship with Killua and they were quite okay with it – maybe because they didn’t really believe or, more likely, couldn’t imagine it. Still, Knuckle’s reaction was a bit strange.

“Is that so” Knuckle finally spoke up, contemplating what he just heard, before staring at Gon with an odd kind of hesitiation – as if he was considering whether he should say something or not. It wasn’t usual for him at all. “Shoot saw the two of you a week ago,” he started after a long pause, his tone hesitant.

“Really?” Gon asked back with feigned nonchalance. He was starting to understand what the cause of Knuckle’s weird behaviour was; his date with Killua, when they became a couple was a week ago. “He should have said hi.”

He could see Knuckle’s face twisting with something but he choose to ignore it in favor of scanning the traffic for the familiar black car he was waiting for, but to no avail.

“He didn’t want to bother you because he saw you holding hands,” Knuckle said after another pause. He was staring at Gon as if he was trying to gauge what kind of reaction his words would elicit.

“I see,” Gon nodded and was now glad that Killua wasn’t there yet. He wanted to settle this with Knuckle before his boyfriend arrived lest something happened and made things awkward or unpleasant even. “That was very thoughtful of him.”

Knuckle was silent once again, staring at him the same way he did before, but got his voice back sooner.

“Is it true then? Are you two, uh... a thing?” He uttered while avoiding looking at Gon.

Gon couldn’t help but laugh at the awkward wording, but nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, we’re a thing,” he confirmed, his chest warming with happiness again, because it did make him incredibly happy, and he wasn’t going to care about anyone’s opinion.

A sudden rough pat on his back made him take a step forward, almost making him fall on his face, followed by Knuckle’s yelling:

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner, punk?!” His classmate grinned, patting him a few more times.

After regaining his balance, Gon just scratched the back of his head, a sheepish smile spreading on his face. Although he didn’t really care about anyone’s opinion, he was definitely relieved about his friend’s positive reaction.

“Well, it’s a recent thing, so...” he trailed off at the end of the sentence and shrugged. It was somewhat weird to talk to Knuckle of all people about this.

“I see, I see!” His classmate nodded animatedly, the conversation must’ve been a bit awkward for him too. “But now I get it why you’ve been hanging out with him so much,” Knuckle nodded to himself, thinking a little bit before continuing: “you should introduce him to us!”

“I will!” Gon smiled at the suggestion, it made him happy that his friends were interested in getting to know his boyfriend. There was only one thing he needed to ask. “By the way, it’s not really a secret, but we don’t want too much attention, you know, because of Killua’s past, so it would be nice if you wouldn’t talk about this to anyone. Our friends are fine of course.”

Knuckle made a contemplating grunt, nodding and patting Gon’s back with a loud thud again. “Gotcha! I hate gossiping, so don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth shut!”

“Thanks!” Gon smiled and made a fistbump with the other. Maybe it wasn’t so bad that he met Knuckle today.

As if on cue, a black car pulled up next to them. Gon spun around on his heels with such a speed it would’ve made anyone else dizzy and felt the happiness in his chest bubble once again when he saw the white-haired young man behind the wheel. Killua gave him a small smile before his blue eyed gaze flickered over to Gon’s left where Knuckle stood (and was not-so-subtly gaping at the vehicle in front of them). Gon gave him a sheepish smile and made a beckoning gesture with his hand since it was a good opportunity to introduce him to Knuckle – he liked the thought of Killua making more friends since he knew his boyfriend had only a few people he could trust and they were living far away from him.

As Killua stepped out of his car the wind ruffled his white locks and Gon’s chest tightened – Killua was just too beautiful and Gon couldn’t and didn’t want to get used to it. The white-haired male was by his side with a few light steps and Gon couldn’t help the smile that threatened to split his face in two.

“Hey!” He beamed.

 “Hey,” Killua replied with a more subtle one before he looked at Knuckle with mild interest, who awkwardly stood a bit further from them, staring everywhere but in their direction. When Killua looked back at him Gon could see the question marks in blue skies, but he just grinned.

“Killua, this is my classmate, Knuckle! We bumped into each other while I was waiting,” Gon looked at Knuckle, who came closer at the mention of his name and grinned now at Killua.

“Yo, I’m Knuckle Bine, nice to meet ya!” He extended his hand towards Killua for a handshake.

“Killua Zoldyck,” Killua introduced himself too and took the offered hand. “Nice to meet you too.”

As Knuckle let go of Killua’s hand he sized up the one in front of him from head to toe. Gon wasn’t sure what to think about it, but he chose to remain silent and watch, he could only hope his classmate won’t say anything rude.

“So, you’re the guy who stole this punk away from us!” Knuckle jabbed his finger at Gon then broke out in loud laughter as if he just said something hilarious.

Gon quickly looked at Killua to see his reaction, but the white-haired male’s expression was unreadable.

“Well, sorry about that!” Killua answered lightly before flashing a wry smile at Knuckle. It didn’t seem like he was offended, but Gon knew his boyfriend was good at hiding his feelings. “I can’t say he minded it too much though.”

“Killua!” Gon whined as he felt his face flush when the aforementioned graced him this time with a catlike smirk as Knuckle laughed louder. Seems like he was worrying over nothing.

“I bet!” Knuckle said when he was done with laughing. “Okay, it was nice with you fellas, but I have to go now! ‘t was nice to meet ya!” He looked at Killua once again, patting his back with less force than he did before with Gon.

“Likewise,” Killua nodded and Gon noticed how he stiffened a bit at the sudden gesture, but it didn’t seem like Knuckle saw it, because he just waved.

“Shall we go too?” Killua turned to Gon after Knuckle left.

Gon nodded and they got into the car without saying a word. There was something strange in the air that Gon couldn’t grasp, but he wasn't sure if it was because of what Knuckle said. Killua acted normal, maybe too normal – it was like they were just acquaintances and not in a relationship.

“I was late, sorry!” Killua broke the silence as they got in the line at the traffic light, snapping Gon out of his unease. “I got into a freaking traffic jam, I couldn’t come earlier. Did you wait long? “

“No, it’s fine,” Gon smiled, “besides Knuckle was there so I wasn’t bored.”

“That’s good to hear,” his boyfriend nodded with that light tone again he was using while talking to Knuckle. Before Gon could say something Killua raised an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t know you are so popular by the way.”

He couldn’t help the embarrassed blush that spread on his face, but he was also a bit irritated. “I’m so sorry!” He shook his head to will away the heat from his cheeks. “I don’t know why Knuckle said that, I meet them every day in class after all! Besides, you’re more important.”

“Is that so?” Killua asked after a few moments of silence. He stared straight ahead at the road with a seemingly calm expression, but Gon could see the hints of pink on his profile.

“Yes it is. You’re the most important to me, and you’ll always be.” Gon declared, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s face.

It was obvious that Killua tried to look unaffected by this, but the colour was more prominent on his face and if that wasn’t telling enough, his vice-like grip on the steering wheel was. “Isn’t it a bit early for saying this?” He asked with an embarrassed scowl.

“No, I’m pretty sure about this,” Gon answered simply, feeling his face warming a bit too.

Killua exhaled sharply, seemingly struggling how to react, his frown deepening as he gripped the wheel even harder. “Well, that’s... good...” he then mumbled.

Gon burst out laughing before he could stop himself but he tried to stifle it as much as it was possible.

“Yeah, fine, just laugh at me!” Killua grumbled, his face resembling a tomato. “Sorry that I’m not so shameless like you.”

“I’m not shameless, I’m just honest,” Gon chuckled, “and I can’t not laugh when you’re so cute!”

Killua shot him a scandalized look, mumbling under his breath as he tried to focus on the road again. Gon could make out the words _idiot_ and _embarrassing_ and that was enough for him to grin harder.

Their ride was silent again, Killua manoeuvring the vehicle through the bustling traffic and Gon marvelling at his skills. Despite what Killua said before, he still thought that it was very cool to have a driver’s license and own a car at this age and he really wished more people would recognize this.

“Knuckle said we should hang out with them some time,” he broke the silence and this time Killua laughed, though it was a dry, humourless laughter.

“What, they want to see the asshole who stole their friend?”

“They want to meet my new friend!” Gon countered, thinking about giving Knuckle a piece of his mind the next time they meet. Also, it probably wasn’t the right moment to tell Killua that his friends knew about their relationship status. “They won’t say anything stupid, I promise! And if they do, I’ll kick them in the face.” Gon finished matter-of-factly.

“Chivalry at its finest, I see,” Killua remarked, a smile lurking in the corner of his mouth.

“It’s one of my charm points,” Gon stated easily, making Killua snort loudly.

“I don’t mind,” Killua said after a short pause, finally giving him a real smile since they got into the car. 

* * *

 “Oh no...” Killua mumbled as they neared the front door of his flat.

As soon as they got closer Gon could hear muffled meowing coming from said flat and it only grew louder as they approached, the noise followed by the sound of tiny paws tapping on the door. He glanced askance at his boyfriend who just heaved a weary sigh and shook his head.

“He always acts like he hadn’t had anything for years...” Killua said with another sigh as he searched for his keys. He threw a warning look at Gon before he unlocked the door. “Watch your step!” And he pushed the door open.

Just as he did that the meowing grew louder and now Gon could see the source of this entire ruckus: a gray-white cat whose fur really looked like he was wearing pants – Mr. Pants (or on his full name: Mr. Fluffy Pants). He couldn’t say or do anything, because as soon as Killua shut the door behind them, toed his shoes off and made his way further inside the cat started running around his legs in zigzags, making its owner almost trip.

“Get out of my way!” Killua snapped, trying to avoid his pet with little success. “Oh yeah, you can leave your shoes and jacket there,” he told Gon, when he finally managed to push Mr. Pants out of his way with his foot. “Make yourself at home, sit down anywhere you want!” He added and almost tripped the next moment because his cat was around his legs once again, meowing loudly. “For heaven’s sake!!!”

Gon couldn’t help the snorting laughter he burst out in and walked over to Killua to take one of the shopping bags from his hand so the other could at least grab at something when Mr. Pants decided to trip him over again. Killua gave him a grateful glance before scooping up the living tripping hazard so it would cease running around his legs. They made their way to the kitchen area which was at the further end of the spacious living room, only separated from it with a counter.

“Your flat is really nice!” Gon said as he placed the bag down the counter and looked around. The room was clean and organized save for the occasional random objects and cat toys on the floor, but Killua did own a cat so it was natural, Gon thought.

“Thanks,” Killua nodded absentmindedly while searching the bags for the cat food. As soon as he opened the can Mr. Pants jumped on the counter, his meowing growing shriller, almost like it really hadn’t had anything for a long time, and screamed directly into Killua’s ears, who snapped at it in an equally shrill voice. “Yeah, I get it, meow, meow, now shut up, jeez... oh” he slapped a hand on his mouth but it was too late already, Gon heard everything.

Gon just watched his boyfriend disappear behind the counter with a beet red face (most likely to give Mr. Pants his food but also to hide his embarrassment) and wasn’t sure what to do. Laughing was a reasonable reaction, but he felt stunned instead – he never thought he would witness Killua, _cool_ , _collected_ Killua meowing to a cat the way he did just moments ago. There were a few moments in the time he spent with Killua that he wanted to remember forever and this was definitely one of them now.

“What a time to be alive...” he shook his head, the image of a meowing Killua vivid in his mind.

First he just saw two pale hands grab on the countertop, followed by tousled white hair and sky blue eyes shortly after – Killua pulled himself up just so he could glare at Gon from behind his hideout without exposing his flushed face. The sight was more cute than intimidating, but Gon chose to keep this piece of information for himself.

“You should take my advice too!” Killua grumbled, slowly pulling himself up.

“And that was?” Gon frowned slightly; he didn’t know what Killua meant.

“Shut up!” Killua deadpanned and turned away swiftly to start putting away the groceries.

Gon just laughed. This was so typical Killua – trying to act cool in front of him even though they were a couple now, but Gon didn’t really mind it because it was cute. Besides, considering Killua’s personality and past, it’ll take him a while to be comfortable enough in Gon’s presence to not feel like he has to be perfect and collected all the time and Gon was willing to wait patiently. Though, seeing this little scene, the way Killua seemed to forget he wasn’t alone, it may not take so long.

“Need a hand?” He offered, stepping closer to the counter where the things lay that needed to be put away.

“’S fine,” Killua shook his head, grabbing some of them and placing them in their respective cupboards. “Stop standing there, sit down.”

“You can cook?” Ignoring his last sentence, Gon exclaimed as he watched the other put meat and eggs in the fridge.

“Just basic dishes,” Killua shrugged, “it can be quite expensive to order or eat out all the time so I asked Gotoh to show me how to make a few things before I left home.”

“That’s amazing!” Gon stared at Killua in awe, but his boyfriend just rolled his eyes.

“Don’t act like this, it’s not a big deal!” He huffed. “Especially because you can cook too. So sit down already!”

Gon obeyed with a sheepish grin, pulling out one of the stools that stood next to the counter but continued to watch the white-haired boy bustle in the small kitchenette. Soon there were two bowls of potato chips and popcorn next to him and Killua finally stopped by the fridge.

“What do you want to drink?” He asked. “Water? Soda? Or something alcoholic?”

“What do you have?” It always surprised Gon that Killua drank alcohol, though he should’ve known better – drinking was one of the things that caused his boyfriend a lot of trouble in the past.

“Cider and beer,” Killua answered after checking the content of the fridge.

“I thought you hate beer!” Gon raised his eyebrows in bemusement.

“I do,” Killua confirmed. “But you said that you’re okay with it, so I bought some.”

“Oh,” was all Gon could utter, feeling the warmth spreading in his chest but also on his cheeks again. It made him happy that Killua thought of him even though he himself disliked beer. “Then I’ll have one!”

“Ok then, I think I’m done with everything,” Killua nodded, looking around one last time to check if he forgot something after handing Gon his beer.

“You’re not drinking?” Gon raised his brows askance after they moved all the food and drinks to the coffee table and noticed the soda can in Killua’s hand.

“I can’t drive you home if I do,” Killua pointed out, already popping his drink open.

“That’s okay, you don’t need to drive me all the time,” Gon smiled at his boyfriend. “I can walk just fine.”

“And how else do you want to get your computer home?” The white-haired young man asked sceptically, pointing at the fixed machine next to the couch.

Gon drew his brows together. “I’ll carry it, of course!” He declared as if it was the most obvious option in the world.

Killua let out an exasperated sigh.

“I didn’t get this thing repaired so that someone steals it from you because you were walking around with it in the middle of the night, I hope you know that,” he said flatly.

Gon thought about this for a moment. He was never tall but his strong built made up for his lack of height, also, working in a warehouse and carrying heavy stuff his whole shift certainly helped him to stay fit. Meaning, it wouldn’t be the smartest thing of anyone to try anything funny, even if he wasn’t too fond of violence.

“Don’t worry Killua,” he smiled brightly, making the other draw a fine eye brow up. “I don’t think anyone would be stupid enough to attack me.” To emphasize his words he straightened a bit and he saw Killua’s gaze flicker to his torso, then to the side when their eyes met.

“Whatever,” the other mumbled, a hint of pink appearing at the tips of his ears.

The sight made Gon stomach tighten with want, he wanted to reach out so badly, touch the soft porcelain skin and watch it bloom a brighter pink, but before he could do anything a satiated and happily purring Mr. Pants jumped on the couch next to him and started cleaning himself. This drew Killua’s attention back to the couch as well; he let out a little snort and shook his head.

“Look at this!” He nodded his head at the cat. “Just a few minutes before he wanted to kill me and now he’s all happy and innocent-looking. Incredible, isn’t it?”

Gon just chuckled, reaching out and gently running his fingers along the cat’s back, its soft fur tickling his palm. Mr. Pants made a surprised little noise and stopped bathing himself, but leaned into Gon’s touch almost immediately.

“Hello there, Mister!” Gon greeted the purring feline. “You have very fancy pants!” As if understanding what he said, Mr. Pants rolled over to give Gon better access to his other side.

“Don’t praise him too much, he is arrogant enough!” Killua chided him, but the fond look in his eyes was unmistakable.

“Jealous?” Gon smirked playfully.

“As if,” Killua made a face but broke into a smirk as well.

It was silent for a while, Gon just petting Mr. Pants and Killua watching them. When Gon looked up, he saw Killua stare at him with a contemplative look in his blue eyes, an expression he often wore, when he thought Gon wasn’t paying attention. But Gon noticed of course, especially because those looks became more and more frequent as time went by and they got closer to each other. There was a lingering doubt in Killua’s eyes, as if he couldn’t believe any of this was real, as if he doubted he deserved this just because he made mistakes in the past. It would explain why Killua kept his distance and was so hesitant, when Gon tried to get closer, why he flinched or froze when Gon took his hand even now, when they became a couple and this was a bit alarming.

“What is it?” Gon asked him. He really wanted to talk about it.

“Hm?” Killua blinked with mild confusion in his eyes, seemingly unaware of the expression he was wearing until now.

“You looked so serious.”

“Ah,” Killua looked away to the side, and Gon couldn’t miss how his shoulders tensed a bit. “It’s nothing, really,” his boyfriend waved with one hand, trying to look nonchalant, “I was just thinking.”

There was a short pause again, but Gon waited, he wanted Killua to talk to him without him asking questions, forcing the answers out of him.

“It’s strange you know?” Killua went on, directing his attention to his cat that climbed onto Gon’s lap and continued grooming himself. “He doesn’t like strangers at all and it takes him a lot of time to befriend someone. He was wary of Palm too even though she gave him to me.”

“Oh,” Gon looked down at the cat too, trying to mask his disappointment at the evasive answer, because he was sure this wasn’t why Killua made that face. “Well, people often tell me I’m good with animals,” he shrugged, still not looking up.

“They were right,” Killua agreed, but the silence that followed was awkward, even Mr. Pants started wagging his tail nervously.

Gon knew he was walking on thin ice and things could turn very uncomfortable, but he wanted to know, clarify what was making Killua look so serious at him, if his assumptions were right. This was important and Killua was so precious to him, he didn’t want to lose him because none of them was brave enough to talk about sensitive topics.

“Killu...”

“So what movie do you want to watch?” Killua sprang up from the couch before Gon could finish, the sudden movement causing both Gon and Mr. Pants jolt with surprise.

“Uhm...” was all Gon could muster, his pent up emotions and that little scare leaving him speechless. Looking up he saw Killua watching him intently, waiting for his reply with a silent plea in his eyes to drop whatever Gon wanted to say before. He wasn’t ready for this, so Gon took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension in his own shoulders. _Patience Gon, everything has its right time_ , he told himself, he just had to wait and not rush headfirst into everything like he usually did. “Anything is fine, you’re the expert here,” he winked and flashed a smile at his boyfriend.

“I’m not an expert,” Killua huffed while rolling his eyes, a tiny smile lingering in the corners of his mouth. “Alright then. I wanted to watch the original version of the movie we watched together, but I forgot that I lent it to Palm...” he made a face at his own forgetfulness, but Gon didn’t pay attention.

What caught his attention was Palm’s name. He knew she was a very close friend of Killua and his white-haired friend often mentioned her, but there was always a fond look, a little untold secret in Killua’s eyes when he talked about her, and it made him feel uneasy, even though he knew (he hoped) they were just friends.

“Why are you making this face?” Killua’s question snapped him out of his thoughts.

“I’m not making any face,” he answered looking to the side and trying not to blush under the scrutiny of those beautiful blue eyes.

“Uh-uh, yeah right...” he didn’t have to look at Killua to know that he couldn’t fool the other with his pathetic denial. “So what’s up? I only said that I lent...”

There was a sudden silence as Killua cut himself off and Gon knew he was busted. He glanced up at his boyfriend only to see him shaking his head in disbelief and this really made Gon flush pink with embarrassment.

“Don’t tell me... are you jealous? Of Palm???”

It was really embarrassing that Killua could read him so well especially in this situation. “I’m not!” He protested weakly.

“Oh come on, I can tell!” Killua sat down next to him and poked his shoulder with one finger. “We’re just friends; you don’t have to be jealous!”

“I know!” Gon whined, squirming slightly so he won’t wake up Mr. Pants in his lap.

“Then why?” Killua poked him again, but he just shrugged, not knowing the answer himself. Killua let out a loud sigh. “Okay, I got to admit, she is special...” he trailed off, which made Gon glance up at his boyfriend. This time it was Killua who averted his eyes, a faint blush appearing on his face too. “I don’t even know how we became friends, I mean, we hated each other for a long time...” he chuckled and shook his head, probably remembering something from long ago. “But she helped me to stand up and continue walking when things got really bad and I’m forever thankful for that,” he stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. “But that’s it. We’re only friends. Besides, she has a huge crush on her professor and we’re not each other’s types.”

“Okay,” Gon nodded slowly, thinking through what he heard. Killua never mentioned this before and judging by the storm of emotions that flashed in those striking blue eyes it was truly a difficult time in his life, but there was someone who helped him through it, and now Gon felt really dumb for being jealous. “Sorry, I just... I couldn’t help it I guess...” he mumbled, awkwardly scratching his head.

“Geez, you’re hopeless,” Killua laughed and it was the most beautiful sound Gon heard the whole day. “So, what movie do you want to watch?”

“I leave it to you!” Gon offered and watched Killua stand up and stretch before getting his laptop.

This, just the two of them sitting in Killua’s living room and watching something while munching on various snacks was worth everything and he wanted to make Killua believe this as well.

* * *

 It was after they started watching the second movie that Gon started to feel a bit fuzzy from the beer he drank. He couldn’t really focus on the TV, all he could perceive was the warmth coming from Killua, pulling him in, making him want to inch closer, take those fine hands, card his fingers through silky hair. And before the more responsible part of his brain could even form the thought of “I probably shouldn’t” he reached out and grabbed Killua’s hand. He could feel the other tense immediately, but like always, he relaxed shortly after and aligned their fingers properly.

He didn’t know how much time went by like this, they watched the TV in silence, but Gon had a feeling that Killua wasn’t paying attention either. Just holding hands wasn’t enough anymore, he wanted to feel Killua’s warmth against his own body, so he shifted and pulled Killua close with a single smooth movement. Before the white-haired young man could do or say anything his head was resting on Gon’s chest and Gon’s chin was on top of his head – he fit surprisingly well into Gon’s arms, even though Killua was the taller one.

“Gon?” Killua’s voice wasn’t more than a small squeak, and it made Gon’s heart beat faster, though he could feel Killua’s go wild as well.

“Hmm,” he just hummed in response, slowly dragging his hand down and drawing circles on Killua’s back. He could feel Killua stiffen in his arms, not even daring to breathe so he stopped. “Is this okay? Should I stop?” As much as he wanted to pull the other even closer, he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

“It’s... okay,” Killua mumbled after a short pause but it wasn’t convincing at all.

“You sure?” Gon asked craning his neck so he could get a look at the other’s face, but all he got as answer was silence again. Gon let out a loud exhale, the fuzziness from before was long gone. “Killua, you can tell me if I make you uncomfortable, it’s okay!”

“That’s not it!” Killua groaned, burying his head further into Gon’s chest probably to hide whatever he was feeling.

“Then what is it?”

“It’s stupid,” Killua shook his head, his voice muffled.

“I want to know it!” Gon said immediately, but his boyfriend stayed silent again.

Gon let out another loud sigh. He grabbed Killua’s shoulders and pushed him away so he could look into his face. Killua wasn’t protesting; he just let himself get pushed back, his head lowered as if he was waiting for something horrible to happen and it made Gon’s heart shrink. He let go of Killua’s shoulders and cupped his face instead, gently lifting his head so he could get a better look. Killua’s skin was incredibly soft and warm, but he couldn’t let himself get distracted by that when Killua sat in front of him averting his eyes and looking like he was on the verge of crying.

“Please Killua! Tell me what’s wrong!” He pleaded, feeling completely helpless.

Killua shook his head after he let go, still not looking him in the eyes. “You didn’t do anything bad, it’s my fault...” he said with a quivering voice, and he looked so fragile that Gon wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment with his bold actions again. “I’m so stupid... I didn’t have many relationships, but they all ended badly and it was always my fault. But this... This is too good to be real and I can’t stop wondering... how long will this last?”

Gon inhaled sharply, he had no idea that Killua struggled with such thoughts and he felt like a failure for not noticing it.

“I’m sorry...” Killua mumbled before the tears he tried to hold back started rolling down his cheeks, and that was enough for Gon to stop holding back and pull his sobbing boyfriend into an embrace and this time Killua buried his face into his shoulders and grabbed onto his sweater.

“You are so silly Killua,” Gon murmured into soft white hair. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He chided his boyfriend gently.

 “I didn’t want you to think that I doubted you,” the muffled answer was followed by a small hiccup.

Gon nuzzled his face into Killua’s hair before pulling away slightly and used his sleeves to wipe the other’s tears. “You don’t have to struggle alone, you know? I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I can be quite stubborn, you know?” He finished with a bright smile, even though it hurt to know his assumptions were more or less right.

Killua just looked at him, fresh tears gathering in his eyes. Despite the tears and with only the light of the TV illuminating his form he was so incredibly gorgeous that this time it was Gon who had to ask himself if any of this was real. Killua was truly beautiful and not just on the outside and Gon loved him so much, there were no words for it. He wanted to protect this person, to reassure him, to show him how precious, how important he was, but he doubted he could say anything that could express his feeling well enough. Still, he had to do something; he couldn’t bear the sight of this broken, self-doubting Killua, as beautiful as he was even like this. The solution came to him moments later, and maybe this wasn’t the right time (or maybe exactly this was the right time) to do it, but he had to show Killua how much he loved him, so he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s trembling lips.

“You are beautiful,” Gon murmured against Killua’s lips, when he pulled away just the slightest bit.

“What...” Killua started but was silenced by Gon kissing him again.

“I mean it,” Gon said looking straight into his gorgeous blue eyes and cupped his face with both hands, kissing him a third time. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I always say this, but I'm truly sorry for taking so much time to update this fic! ;_; I'm really, really sorry! I don't have any excuses other than life and work kick my butt constantly, orz
> 
> As for this chapter, I think it's an important one, but I don't feel like I did it justice x( I didn't even want to write it like this, but I always have so many ideas when I sit down to write and then I only use a tiny fragment of them... Also, sorry if the end (the most important part of course) was OOC and corny... I don't know how to write romance T_T (But at least I like the parts with Mr. Pants) (also sorry for the typos and stuff, I reread the chapter several times, but I always miss a lot of them...)
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading and sticking to this fic even though I fail at updating it ahaha. I hope it wasn't a big disappointment!


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